


You're Not A Tako?!

by Mossybrows



Series: ZoSan Mermaid! AU [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Nakama, Nakamaship, Romantic Comedy, ZoSan Month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-03-25 12:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13833948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossybrows/pseuds/Mossybrows
Summary: The naked body in his arms was nothing like the smooth, fantasy of the perfect body often told of in stories. There was nothing magically enchanting about the texture he felt of Sanji’s scarred back under his fingers as he cradled the cook. This felt real. This was Sanji.Sanji is secretly a mermaid. Zoro finds out.





	1. “Muscle-Buddha” vs “Lovely-Eyebrow”

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Some words or phrases are in the romaji version of their Japanese counterparts. I’ve only ever watched One Piece in the original Japanese dub with English subtitles, so I like to keep a lot of nicknames the way they are and the occasional Japanese pun.
> 
> I know a lot of Americans prefer the (uurgh) English Dub and will therefore have no familiarity with Japanese puns and jokes. (My favorite being: Zoro’s ‘Oni-giri’ is both ‘demon-slicer’ and ‘rice-ball’ since well, being a ZoSan Lovechild, Sanji’s the cook and Zoro’s attacks are food is too LOL for me. XDD )
> 
> If you like my work, please consider visit going to ko-fi(dot)com(slash)mossybrows and donating!

 

Damn him.

Damn that cook.

Damn that swirly-browed, cuss-spewing, cig-chewing cook.

Zoro fumed as he hauled himself up to the crow’s nest to literally wear his irritation out with some lifting. Sure, he’d gone a couple sessions this morning, but since fighting with the goddamn tako-face just a minute ago only resulted in a few new bruises from well-placed kicks and no conclusion as to who the victor was. That and also a massive, swollen lump at the back of his head ala Nami-fist style. There was nothing else to do. Meditating was certainly out of the question when he was this pissed. He reached the crow’s nest and slammed the hatch down with a loud, disgruntled grunt.

He needed to pump the frustration out of his system.

After a grueling three-hour session, Zoro dropped the thousand-tonne weight with a heaving sigh. He was covered in sweat by now, but despite the cool ocean breeze from the windows he’d opened prior to the workout, he hadn’t simmered down any. He was still pissed as all the nine stages of hell.

“Che.” He twitched, leaning against the heavy weight and wiping his fuming forehead.

The sweat came off in a sticky wave of frustration. “Tch.”

Zoro and Sanji fought often, that was already a given rule since their first meeting and their first fight together and even after their first victory and celebration together in Cocoyashi Village. It was a rhythm they both shared. A harmony between them that was filled with both complete understanding and complete disagreement.

Still, the idiot did call him a Bara-Buddha, Zoro thought bitterly.

There was that little spark between them whenever they were near each other, something indescribable. Not that Zoro gave it much thought. He could feel it there though, feel when the cook was behind him, guarding his flank; feel when the cook was swinging his nimble but strong body over him in an arch to try and gain some traction over him when they were competing at who could down the most enemies. Even before Kenbunshoku Haki, he could feel the cook.

An irritating, permanent presence.

“…I’ll steal his cigs.” Zoro suddenly said as he thought aloud to himself, crossing his arms. “Hm. Yeah.”

Zoro didn’t like to argue with himself so much. To that respect, he was a lot like Luffy, though obviously not nearly as impulsive as their Captain. Once he decided that this was how he was going to get payback for the cook’s new little nickname for him, he was determined to do it. And when Zoro was determined, there was nothing that could stop him, not even threat of death.

Unfortunately, the results of his actions would not be something he could have predicted in a million years.

Zoro went down into the boy’s locker room, now shirtless and simply having slung his signature coat over his shoulder. He stunk of sweat and testosterone, something Sanji and only Sanji ever complained about. Bastard. The trip in and of itself was innocent enough, since he always went to the locker room to retrieve clean clothes and a towel before going in for a shower after his workout. This would be his first shower today in all honesty; the previous two post-workout ‘showers’ consisted of a dip in the ocean, a short swim before returning to the ship and throwing his shirt back on.

Three times was too much even for the wayward demon king himself. Zoro paused for a moment, heading out of the locker room and to the bathroom door to confirm the routine that his body had gotten used to.

He banged on the door, the banging only adding to the symphony already being created by running water, and Sanji’s singing voice. “Oi! You suck at singing!” Zoro barked. “Stop hoggin’ the shower goddamnit!”

“ _Uruse_!” Sanji roared back from behind the door. “You’re ruining my relaxing shower, you talking plant!”

“Stop takin’ so long then!” Zoro yelled back, but was secretly smirking, this was perfect timing.

Heading back to the locker room without hesitation, he snatched up the box of cigarettes that was sitting inside. It was a rather large box, filled only halfway. With how much of a chain smoker Sanji was, Zoro wasn’t at all surprised.

“This is watcha’ get.” Zoro said in satisfaction.

He rarely saw the man without a deathstick crushed between his teeth and between those slightly feminine lips. Ew. Zoro was not thinking about Sanji’s lips. He was not. Nope.

“Yosh… _saa te_ ” Zoro trailed off, the bad habit of think-talking to himself aloud proving true once more. “Galley.”

Sure enough, when Zoro ventured into the cook’s territory, he could already smell them. The tobacco was strong here as well, though it was a rather strange, herbal scent when it wasn’t lit on fire. Sanji never let the quality of his food be ruined by cigarette smoke of course. Zoro wouldn’t admit it, but he knew the cook was the best at what he did.

He found the ‘Death’ branded box easily enough in the cupboard above the stove, a considerably dangerous place to put them if it wasn’t Sanji cooking.

The adorable idiot.

Wait no—damn. Zoro sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. Now he felt a little guilty. Shit. He wasn’t going to go down this path. He had dreams dammit, he had a crew to babysit, a captain to protect, and a Mihawk to defeat and…then a home to go back to and declare to Kuina that he’d done it.

There was no room for this.

“Fuck.” Zoro cursed, but then remembered the ‘muscle-buddha’ nickname. “Nope. I’m doing it.”

He took both boxes, then the third box after spotting another one full of smaller packs at the very back of the cupboard and left the galley. Sanji would be done with his shower any moment now.

The cook was rude and would never admit it, but even the swordsman could tell that when he asked for him not to take so long, Sanji finished rather quickly afterwards. Zoro took his stolen loot and made his way back up to the crowsnest, spotting Usopp fishing off the front of the ship, talking enthusiastically to their Captain as they sat on the Lion’s head. He watched them as he made his way up, smiling a little absent-mindedly.  
It was one of those in-between days, where there was no sign of an island in sight and they’d left their last adventure a couple days ago. He was thankful for days like this, there was time for workouts, meditation, drinks and genuine relaxation. Sure, he welcomed the random sea-king running into their ship, only to meet it’s unfortunate end in the cook’s kitchen, every once in awhile, but it was generally peaceful.

He made it into the crowsnest and walked to the set of windows were the couch was, lifting the cushion to reveal the hidden compartment under it where he stored some of his smaller weights that were too light for him now. He shoved the cancer-boxes in amongst the discarded weights and dropped the cushion. Zoro nodded and folded his arms as he straightened up, nodding in approval, deciding that the boxes were perfectly hidden, satisfied.

“Yosh.” The swordsman said, making his way to the hatch and opening it to hop down.

“Oi.” Sanji grunted out as he spotted Zoro making his way down from the crow’s nest. “It’s all yours.”

The blond was feeling rather relaxed now after that shower and was in no mood for harsh words or another fight. Besides, he too was still sporting a rather large lump at the back of his head, courtesy of the navigator.

“Mh.” Zoro replied shortly, letting go of the rope he was holding on to, to drop the rather long distance down onto the grassy deck, and he landed gracefully despite his bulk.

As the swordsman passed him, Sanji couldn’t help but feel suspicious. It was normal for him to be in a rather good mood after a shower, but normally Zoro was quite irritable when he was kept from his chance to clean up after a workout.

“ _Kusee_.” Sanji stated as they passed each other.

“ _Uzee_ ’.” Zoro said without any spite in it at all.

Strange, Sanji thought. “Get your ass in the bath already, you’re stinking up the whole ship, Aho-Kenshi.”

Zoro grunted in response, still not taking the bait. “Yeah, yeah,  _Suteki-Mayuge_.”

Sanji twitched. “I’ll kick your ass, hurry up!” He yelled; he hated that nickname.

God, he needed a smoke.

As he watched Zoro disappear into the bathroom, Sanji spun on his heel to head back in the same direction himself. Shit. Why’d he bother to come tell the swordsman himself that the bath was available if he was just going to get shit for it anyway? Ingrate.

Ahh, the ocean smelled nice, Sanji thought idly as he paused in step. He closed his eyes and let the sound of the waves and the cry of messenger gulls, probably on their way to deliver mail to other ships, wash over him. A particularly familiar cry caught his attention and he opened his eyes, smiling as a well-dressed gull landed on the railing of the Sunny. It was Zeff’s personal messenger gull. He laughed as it swooped down and snatched at Usopp’s hat at the front of the ship.

The sniper yelped in surprise and grabbed at his hat just as it was being lifted off his head. Luffy burst out in a fit as the gull whacked Usopp right in the nose, causing it to jiggle like a knob. Luffy pointed mid-fit, kicking his legs out as his laughter turned into excited howls. The gull flapped its wings as Usopp took a swing at it and missed. Sanji grinned as the gull ditched the two and soared it’s way over to him, landing on the railing just a few steps away.

“There you are, you  _kuso-tori_.” He chuckled and came over to receive the package and the letter that came with it.

“CAW!” the gull shrieked and Sanji reached into his pocket and drew out a small package of dried fish he kept in a sealed bag, opening it.

The bird took off, snatching the whole bag right from his grasp.

“Oi!” Sanji staggered back and flinched in reflex. “You cheeky bastard!” He growled and waved fist at the gull. “Next time I’ll send back a letter to the  _kuso-jiji_  telling him to _flambé_ you!”

Sanji watched as the gull flew away with his prize. The cook had gotten careless. Then again, the gull’s trips had gotten longer and longer the farther down the Grand Line they went. He could keep the fish. He snorted and sighed reaching into his coat pocket only to remember he’d taken the packet out just before he showered.

“Tsk.” he turned once more and began walking back to the galley; the ocean was starting to smell rather sweetly enticing.

Once there, he opened and read the letter:

 

‘ _Chibinasu_ ,

Don’t forget to puff on this or you’ll turn into sushi in front of that monster-appetite captain of yours. If that happens, I doubt even you can fend him off. Don’t catch a cold.  
Zeff’

 

The package accompanying the letter contained four handfuls of powder.

“ _Kuso-jiji_.” Sanji grunted, but he was smiling about it in the end. He fetched a bowl to put the powder in, then opened his cupboard for his cigarettes. “……eh?” His eyes widened in confusion.

What? Where? He could’ve sworn he saw two boxes here, one half empty and the other still completely full of smaller packs! They were definitely there when he was making breakfast, he’d taken the twelfth packet out of the first box, leaving twelve left! That packet had been left in his locker when he went in for his shower. The humidity of the warm bath usually made his cigarettes damp, which, since they’d been thoroughly powdered with the last of the batch Zeff had sent before, would’ve spelled trouble.

“Chh…” He growled, slamming the cupboard shut and looking around in thought. “Last time those went missing, Usopp was trying to make smoke bombs for the first time, that idiot.”

He scratched his head and decided that Usopp had learned his lesson that time. There was no way he’d be the one to take his cigarettes. He made his way to the boy’s room and opened his locker.

No cigarettes.

“The fuck?!” He yelled, rifling through his locker.

Something else was missing. It was the picture he always kept in his current packet of cigarettes, depending on just who had it, the consequences could be rather…

“Grr!” He slammed his locker shut. “No way…ano yarou…he couldn’t have!”

“Looking for something?” Zoro said casually behind him, rubbing a towel into his green locks. “You look like a frightened tako.”

“Shut it, marimo! You…!” He seethed dangerously, marching over to Zoro, a hand going to poke into his broad, tanned chest rather harshly. “You did it, didn’t you?!”

Zoro’s nonchalant expression didn’t change. “Did what?” He left the towel over his shoulder and folded his arms at the accusation.

“My cigarettes!” Sanji shrieked, the vein on his neck looking ready to pop. “You TOOK them, you childish overgrown plant! You ju—“

Sanji gasped. His skin felt dry. He felt lightheaded.

“Cook?” Zoro said, but Sanji couldn’t hear him. “Oi!”

The next thing Sanji felt was a strong arm supporting his waist and one closed around his wrist as Zoro caught him. Shit, when did the room turn sideways? The wood smelled…wrong. It was lacquered and dry…too dry. The air was sweet…they were on the Thousand Sunny…on the ocean…the ocean.  
He needed to go back into the ocean.  
“Gh-!” Sanji slammed a leg into Zoro’s side as he found his own balance and shoved the swordsman away, panting. “Damnit! I’m not a damsel! Just give me back my cigarettes, already!”

Zoro grunted as he was pushed away, frowning deep. Jeez, the cook didn’t have to be such a drama queen about it; fainting and whatnot. Was that some kind of withdrawal symptom? Zoro wondered.

“Alright, alright, jeez…” Zoro groaned, rolling his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah I took ‘em. Only ‘cause you pissed me off.”  
“That’s too far!” Sanji yelled, clearly agitated.

More agitated than Zoro expected, actually, too agitated. “Calm down, I didn’t toss ‘em in the ocean or anything.”

  
“The ocean…” Sanji seemed to get stunned by the word. He stared at Zoro, looking frazzled.

  
“…cook?” Zoro asked again. “Don’t faint on me again!” He warned, already reaching out to grab Sanji in case he did fall over. “Cook! Oi!”

  
Sanji had begun to sway back and forth in his daze, when he snapped back and slapped Zoro’s hand away. “Forget it, just bring them to me!” He demanded.

  
Zoro growled at the back of his throat in warning. If Sanji did that again, he was going to pick the bastard up and toss him onto the couch to sleep off whatever withdrawal shit he was going through.

  
“Che! You’re irritable because you rely on those things too much.” Zoro snarled, turning around to head to the crow’s nest and fetch the opened packet Sanji had in his locker.

Sanji looked like a child throwing a tantrum when Zoro glanced back to look at him. He was rubbing his arm and looking out the porthole at the view of the sea. What the hell was wrong with him?

Pushing the thought aside, Zoro shrugged and went on his way. He was a little disappointed that he’d been caught so quickly, but he hadn’t expected the cook to be such a prissy about the cigarettes. If he needed them that badly, he really should’ve said something. Or maybe get help with getting over his addiction. What if they were stuck in a fight and he ran out?

“Moron.” Zoro huffed as he opened the compartment in the couch once more, grabbing the already opened packet he’d taken from the lockers. “I’ll give’m ONE back, but he’s gonna hav’ta ask nicely for the others.”

Come to think of it…if Sanji really wanted his cigarettes back, why hadn’t he followed Zoro to go see where he hid them? Weirdo.

  
Zoro grabbed the packet and opened it to check how many were still left in it…when he spotted something inside. At first, it looked to be a piece of paper, but upon actually taking it between his fingers and sliding it out, he discovered it was a photograph, folded up to fit when tucked into the packet.

It was an old picture, from when they had just had Robin join, before Water 7. They’d taken a break on one of the many uninhabited, tiny islands with a beach. Zoro had been drinking rum with Usopp in the makeshift hut they’d found abandoned by whoever had been on the island previously. It was a picture the cook himself had taken.

Only now, in the picture Zoro had a large, sappy, over decorated heart drawn over him in red marker.

…oh!

Oh.  
—  
Waaah~! This was really scary to write because I know that @auspizien is one of those legendary ZoSan writers! >///u///< I hope you enjoyed it so far! Oh, and I know my writing style is a little different and I hope it didn’t confuse you too much!  
Please let me know what you think aussie-san~! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!  
Love,  
Mossybrows


	2. “Tako Ja Nai!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro finds out about Sanji's fishy little secret!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! So I don’t know if this might be a thing, since I did originally post chapter 2 on tumblr. But somehow, SOMEHOW IT GOT LOST. And guess what...I don’t have a file or record of it anywhere on my computer. It’s been what, almost an ENTIRE YEAR since I started writing this fic and thought I ended it since I only wanted it to be a 2-parter thing. Welp, looks like I’m rewriting chapter 2 and might not stop there with how my life is going. Fuck me amiright.  
> IKU ZEEEEEE!

Zoro stared at the picture in his hands. It was unmistakable that the big, mushy hearts were drawn around him specifically. Robin was too far to the right of the picture. Nami was too far to the left. He hazarded a guess that this was a joke that Sanji was trying to play on him but hadn’t gotten around to doing so. 

Damn idiot.

His eye twitched in irritation at the thought of how Sanji was going to reveal this prank. Or maybe...maybe this was his idea all along! Maybe he hadn’t followed Zoro to retrieve his pack because he wanted Zoro to find this picture in private!

“...I’ll make him beg for this stick.” Zoro decided with a deadpan snarl.

Making his way back to the galley, he opened the door, picture and cigarette in hand, ready to confront the cook. Just as he opened the door, he could feel and hear thumping coming from the other side of the door. Upon opening it and entering the galley, he was surprised to find it empty.

“Kokku?” He asked, looking around with a frown.

Silence.

“Tch.” Zoro growled. “Oi, I heard you. Stop acting like a brat and come out. You can’t fool me.”

Still, no answer. Where could he be? Zoro looked around, then narrowed his gaze when he spied the door to the pantry. Of course. That’s the only other place he could’ve gone with such little time. Approaching the pantry, he wasn’t surprised to feel the other’s potent presence as he got closer. He was even less surprised when the tobacco-chewer’s voice came from behind the door.

“Just leave it on the counter!” Sanji called, voice slightly muffled by the wood between them.

Zoro frowned. “No.” He wasn’t leaving until he got payback for the stupid picture prank.

“Waddaya mean, no?!” Sanji snarled viciously from behind the door.

“What are you doing in there, anyway?” Zoro asked, getting more peeved by the second. He reached for the door handle and turned it. It was locked. “Oi.”

“Just leave it and go, damn  _ Marimo _ !” Sanji hissed.

Hissed? Zoro’s brow went up. He jiggled the door handle. “You know, I could just-”

CRACK.

Whoops. Welp, at least the door was open now. He’d have to apologize to Franky later. As soon as the lock broke loose and he pushed the door open, a sudden cacophony of barrels and non-perishables toppling over each other nearly made him jump back.

Something was wrong.

“Oi!” Zoro barged right in, sacks of flour and other nondescript items, as well as plastic jars, cans, tupperware and even a few spilled red beans scattered the scene. “What the-...”

The items piled up in a crude barricade, obscuring his view of the cook. Zoro grunted and started pushing some of the larger items away.

“No!” Sanji’s cry took him by surprise. There was definitely something wrong with his voice, Zoro recognized. “Just leave! You’re making the mess bigger!”

The pile wasn’t that tall, so how was the cook still hiding? Was he crouching down? Was he IN the pile? What the hell was he doing? Zoro cursed inwardly at how well he was being strung along by the blonde’s antics.

“The hell are you even-...” Zoro’s eyes widened and he stopped dead in his tracks; the last large obstacle was out of the way.

His gaze had angled downward, having assumed Sanji was somehow crouched nearer to the floor to hide. Said gaze was now frozen in shock upon finally laying his eyes on the cook.

Sanji lay there, half-propped between two large sacks of non-perishable goods, and half laying on the floor. His clothes, sticky with a strange substance scattered about him, leaving him completely bare. From the waist down, where his crotch started, extended a long, thick, fishtail where his legs should have been. The scales were a magnificent combination of blue and aqua, accented by  _ midori _ green. Fiery red and orange fins crowned the end of his tail, which was tipped with what looked like hooked barbs.

“.......you’re not a  _ tako _ ?” Zoro questioned, mouth moving on it’s own.

WHACK! Sanji’s mermaid tail bashed violently against the floorboards. “NO!” The cook hissed, fangs having replaced his teeth. Fins protruded from the side of his head--were those supposed to be his ears--shook threateningly as he continued to bare his fangs at Zoro. “Get out! Get out, NOW!”

Zoro’s jaw hit the floor, in the most literal sense of the word. 

“Stop staring!” Sanji screeched desperately, another warning whip of his tail threatened to break the wood he sat on. The pale skin of his cheeks was flushed bright red, turning into a tender pink that actually powdered his ear-fins. Fin-ears? “I mean it! Get the fuck out!”

“Wow.” Zoro gawked. “You weren’t kidding when you said you needed these.” He held up the lone cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

Sanji’s visible eye widened, pupils dilating like a sea-kings as he lunged for Zoro in a move that caught the swordsman by surprise. “Give me that!”

“Woah!” Sanji’s tail was just as powerful as his legs had been, in one curl, he sprung himself from the floor and pounced effortlessly onto Zoro. The swordsman’s arm withdrew upwards, keeping the cigarette out of the cook’s reach as they both fell onto the floor. “GACK-!”

Heavy! Sanji’s tail was so heavy! Having been taken by surprise, Zoro was unprepared for the sudden impact of the tail’s weight against his stomach. It knocked the air out of him and sent him into a coughing fit.

“Hand it over! Damn you!” Sanji protested, writhing up Zoro’s body as best as he could.

“GYAA-!” Zoro yelped, fliching. “OI! DON’T MOVE AROUND LIKE THAT, YOUR TAIL’S PRESSED AGAINST MY-OWAAAH!”

Zoro jerked, his hips instinctively bucking to try and get the slimy fishy wetness off of him. Sanji gasped in horror, realizing what sort of situation they were in.

“You-you…!” Sanji stammered, “Pervert!”

“YOU’RE THE PERVERT!” Zoro screamed back. “Don’t writhe around when you’re on top of me! You’re all slimey!”

Sanji balked in horror, whipping himself off of Zoro. “YAAAAA! DON’T SAY IT LIKE THAT, MORON!”

“GWUO-!” Zoro hacked when Sanji’s powerful whip landed a hit right between his legs. 

Sanji sneered disdainfully. “Serves you right!”

“Why you-!” This time, it was Zoro who pounced. “C’mere! I’ll slice you up and turn you into sashimi! It’ll be the last meal you’ll ever serve!”

Their erupting squabble was cut short by noises from outside. The tell-tale “Sanjiiiiiii! I’m hungryyyyyy!” of the rubber-ball of a captain they had along with the near-destruction of the galley door made them both freeze. 

A look of complete terror crossed Sanji’s features, one that Zoro had never before seen. “Shit! Quick, get off me! I need to hide!”

“What?” Zoro was confused, also feeling the urgency, but still in wonder as to why Sanji’s panic was so severe. 

“I SAID I NEED TO HIDE!” Sanji hissed under his own breath.

The sound of Luffy rummaging around the kitchen served only to agitate the cook even more. Part of him wanted to spring into action and stop Luffy. Part of him wanted to crawl into one of the empty barrels and hide. The poor cook was completely torn between the two urges and the feelings were obvious on how he chewed his fingers and slapped his tail in agitation against the floor.

Zoro got up, making his way to the door.

Sanji gasped and dragged his slimey self quickly over to the very back of the pantry, wedging his body between the two sacks of flour he had originally been leaning against. Despite his best efforts, the tip of his tail was still obviously sticking out.

In terror, he watched as Zoro left the pantry. Was he going to rat him out? Damn him! Damn that stupid, meat-headed, iron-brained muscle-buddha! Sanji curled his tail even more, folding in on himself even tighter as he heard muffled discussion from the other side of the door. What was going on out there?

He could hear Luffy whining, but just barely. What was that stupid Marimo saying to him? A few moments later, Zoro returned and Sanji sprang at him once again, in a fury when he saw what the swordsman held in his hand.

“Who said you could take my good wine huh?!” Sanji demanded.

Zoro only offered him a frown, taking a seat in front of him on the messy pantry floor. “Who do you think stopped Luffy from eating everything in the fridge, huh?”

Sanji winced at the reply. “Ghh…”

“Yosh.” Zoro declared, taking a swig of the bottle. “Explain.”

Sanji scowled, fangs showing. “Explain?”

“Why you’re a fish.” Zoro clarified casually.

“I AM NOT A FISH!” Sanji roared furiously.

Zoro grunted. “Swirly-Mermaid.”

“MAN!” Sanji screeched. “I am a  _ merMAN _ !”

“Since when were you a mermaid?” Zoro insisted, completely ignoring Sanji’s statement. 

“I’ll slice you up and make you a niku hotpot.” Sanji growled lowly. “I’ve...always been a merman.”

“Always?” Zoro tilted his head with a frown. “I don’t get it, then why didn’t you save Luffy in that form?”

“I can’t just  _ change _ .” Sanji’s voice grew urgent, whiny. “Though, if I could’ve I would’ve. Would’ve been easier walloping that damn fishman with a fishtail myself!”

“So…” Zoro droned.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a curse, a curse!” Sanji whipped his tail in irritation. “Haa...I’ve had enough.”

Sanji adjusted himself, turning to give his top half more rom as he laid down on the messy floor.

“Oi, what now?” Zoro nagged. 

“I need...seawater.” Sanji yawned. “Otherwise I get all dried out and...can’t…damn marimo...you used up all my energy too…”

Zoro’s gut wrenched and his instincts kicked in. He could tell that Sanji was trying to make light of the matter, but sensed it was more urgent. “What happens when you dry out?”

“Well…” Sanji lazilly turned his head. “Dunno. Never...happened…” another yawn. “...be...fore…”

Zoro picked up the slimy body in his arms, the cook weakly protesting with a gentle tail-wriggle. “Seawater, right?”

Sanji’s eyes widened with realization and he tiredly tried to push Zoro away. “No, I just...want to smoke…”

“Smoke after!” Zoro scolded, making his way out of the pantry with Sanji in his arms. 

He paused at the galley door--Sanji’s urgency in keeping his little secret a secret had made him nervous too. Sanji barely responded or reacted to anything around him now, even as Zoro snuck out of the galley. He was grateful that it was one of those lazy days the crew usually had when they’d been out at sea for an extended period of time.

After making sure nobody was out on deck, Zoro crept as best as he could towards the railing. They’d dropped anchor earlier that day to keep from drifting off-course while Nami plotted her map of what they’d explored so far. He didn’t particular care when they dropped and hoisted anchor, but this time he was grateful they had.

“Yosh.” Zoro grinned with triumph as they arrived at the ship’s starboard side. “Hmm.”

He stared at the water. Could he just drop Sanji over the side of the ship? How would he get back up? Did the cigarettes really help with the fishtail? How did that work? Would he really need to hide it from the rest of the crew? Why was it such a big deal?

“Zoro?” Usopp’s voice startled him from behind.

The swordsman had been so focused on his thoughts he didn’t register Usopp coming out to fish. He jumped forward reflexively, arms dropping Sanji. The blonde plummeted into the water with a loud splash.

“Shit!” Zoro yelped.

“Uwaah!” Usopp cried in horror. “Sanjiiii! Zoro, what were you doing?! You dropped Sanji in the sea!”

“You startled me!” Zoro snapped back.

The sniper hurried to the side of the ship, peering over it as did Zoro. They both bent over the railing, looking down into the ripples made by Sanji’s splash.

“Ne, ne, Sanji’s a good swimmer right?!” Usopp panicked. 

Zoro could feel the cold sweat making its way down the side of his face. “Well...he won’t drown.” Was all he could say.

“Sanji! Oi, Sanji!” Usopp called down into the water. “Sanji! Why isn’t he coming up?!”

The ruckus Usopp was making was bound to get the others’ attention. Zoro grimaced at having to explain the situation. The cook was bound to get pissed too--which meant he was most likely to be deprived of booze for quite some time. Damnit.

“Oi, Usopp!” 

He never thought Sanji’s voice would come as a relief to him, but it did. Zoro looked down to find the idiotic cook’s face beaming up at them.

“What are you going on about?!” Sanji demanded.

Usopp gasped. “Sanji! I thought you’d gotten eaten by a sea-king or something!”

Sanji gave them both an unimpressed look. “What do you take me for?” Then, he quickly changed the subject. “You were going to fish right? It’s fine, I’ll handle it.”

Usopp seemed to buy it. “Oh! Thanks! But...why did Zoro…why was Zoro carrin-”

“OH look, there’s an antler-shark!” Sanji exclaimed and dove into the water.

“Eh-...” Usopp’s shoulders fell as he was cut-off and essentially snubbed. He slowly turned to Zoro. “So...why were you carrying Sanji?”

Zoro was already mentally fumbling for an explanation, when Usopp, bless his heart, gave him an out.

“Did you two fight again?” Usopp scolded in disappointment.

“Ah...yeah.” Zoro replied. He really needed to learn how to lie better. 

Usopp sighed in exasperation. He shook his head and raised his hands in a preachy gesture. “Honestly, you two fight like cats and dogs. Try not to break anything. How many times do I have to tell you two?”

Unfortunately for Usopp, the message went in one ear and out the other for Zoro. The swordsman looked down into the water. It was deep and not as clear as the crystal waters near some of the islands they’d been to. Lucky for them, he supposed, else Sanji’s tail would’ve been obvious.

“Oi, Marimo!” Sanji’s voice drew his attention once more.

The blonde was keeping his head low in the water, tilting it up to hide his fine-ears under the waves. 

“Come down here and help me with his shark!” Sanji demanded bossilly.

Zoro balked. “Hah?! Why should I? I don’t want to get we-”

SPLASH!

“Uwaaaah!” Usopp backed away just in time as a huge wave of seawater was sent up over the side of the ship.

Zoro was completely soaked. “-et…”

Sanji grinned in victory. “There, you’re all wet now, so get your ass down here!”

“Why you-!” Zoro leapt over the railing. “I’ll come down there alright, to beat your ass!”

He aimed right for Sanji as he fell, planning to land a nice punch to the cook’s smug face. But his fist met nothing but water, his momentum instead carrying him deeper than he planned. He spun, darkness from the bottom and light from the surface interchanging rapidly with each other in his vision. Steadying himself upright, he looked around to see a blue, red and golden blur circling him like a predator.

Sanji stopped, allowing Zoro to see the wide, mischievous grin on his face. Zoro snarled, releasing breath in bubbles in frustration. Sanji gave him a sympathetic look and shook his head. They both surfaced.

“Hah, idiot!” Sanji mocked. “You can’t beat me in the water.”

“Why you-!” Zoro barked, paddling his way to the blonde.

In a flash, Sanji was behind him, his tail making swimming a breeze. Zoro turned around, scowling. He didn’t have his swords. He was deadweight in the water. Sanji had the advantage. An unfair one, but still an advantage.

“That’s cheating.” Zoro growled.

Sanji stuck his tongue out at Zoro. “That doesn’t matter.”

Zoro was quick to move on, not wanting to dwell on his frustration. “What’d you say about a shark?”

“Oh, yeah.” Sanji mentioned thoughtfully. “It’s coming for you.”

Zoro turned to find a large fin, darting straight towards him. “Ah?!”

“You’re the bait. Now be good.” Sanji snickered, disappearing under the waves.

“Damn him!” Zoro cursed, looking around for any sign of the blonde. He saw nothing but the shark’s fin, making short work of the distance between them.

Screw it. He turned back in the other direction of the oncoming attack, paddling away. After a few moments, Zoro realized that putting more distance between them was going to be useless. He turned back around to face the shark, readying his fist. If he timed it just right, he could nail it on the nose.

Just as the fin neared and got close enough for zoro to draw back his arm for a strike, it suddenly disappeared under the water.

“Huh?” Zoro blinked, taking a breath and diving underwater. 

He looked around, the visibility not to his liking. But he didn’t need to look hard. Right in front of him was the shark, belly up and eyes dialated white. Sanji grinned, hovering right beside it. The same, stupid grin on his face. Zoro concluded that the cook must’ve struck it from below or something.

Zoro surfaced again. “Damnit! You could’ve warned me!”

“I did. I told you, you were bait.” Sanji replied as soon as he surfaced.

Huh. How did the cook hear him from under the water. Must be the fin-ears.

“Quite a catch!” Sanji said, gushing over the shark that now floated to the surface, unmoving.

“Woah!” Usopp gawked over the side of The Sunny. “Amazing!”

“Oi, Usopp! Catch!” Sanji called up to him.

“Catch?” The sniper had very little time to wait for an answer, before he was screaming, arms up and stumbling back. “WAAAAH!”

With a powerful kick of his tail, Sanji sent the large predator upward, over the railing in an arch and onto the deck. The shark landed with a wet splat, almost crushing Usopp.

“You idiot!” Usopp screamed venomously. “I could’ve died! I almost died! I would’ve been-WAAH! IT’S MOVING!”

The shark floundered on the deck, desperately trying to breathe. Zoro shot up and over the railing. He landed on the shark’s head with a great force, completely knocking it out once more. Usopp snivelled, scrambling towards Zoro and clinging onto his leg.

“Waaah! Zoro!” The sniper cried.

Zoro sighed. “Oi, oi, it’s fine. It’s stopped.”

Once Usopp was convinced that the shark wasn’t going to move again anytime soon, Zoro was let go of as the sniper went to get Franky to dump the shark into the cooler full of ice so that Sanji could prep it later. The swordsman made his way back to the starboard side of the ship and peered down.

“Not coming up?” Zoro asked, raising a brow.

Sanji was flustered again, looking up longingly at the ship as he treaded water. “Very funny.”

They both knew--without legs, Sanji couldn’t climb up the rope-ladder on the side of the ship. Zoro contemplated leaving the cook in the water for all the shit he pulled, including reducing him to fish-food just now.

“Oi!” Sanji called up with a snarl. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking! You’re the reason I’m like this right now!”

Shit. The damn  _ ero-kokku _ was right. 

“Why don’t you cool your head a little longer. Don’t you dry out?” Zoro teased; he would help, sure. But that didn’t mean Sanji had to enjoy it.

“I’ll kill you!” Sanji threatened.

Zoro frowned, turning away from the side of the ship and making his way somewhere indoors. Sanji’s jaw dropped. The hell?! Did the marimo just leave him there?! What an asshole! Sanji ground his fangs together angrily. He was going to whip the idiotic-swordsman’s ass when he got back onto the ship!

“Here.” Zoro suddenly returned, surprising Sanji. “I don’t want to have to keep dropping you off the side of the ship just to have to fetch you again.”

He had brought with him a large wooden tub. The same kind they had a few of to do laundry. It was big enough to fit a fully grown man, though, Sanji recognized that his tail was longer and took up more space than his legs did. Zoro lowered himself on the rope ladder, clothes clinging onto his body. He was still soaked.

“Get in, already.” Zoro insisted, dipping the tub into the sea to fill it with ocean water.

Soon enough, there Sanji sat, in the middle of the crows nest, in the tub filled with seawater. Zoro had hauled him all the way up there. Granted, the kitchen would’ve been a bad place to hide. The boy’s room would’ve also been a no-go. The crow’s nest was basically Zoro’s private place as much as the kitchen was Sanji’s territory. Aside from Luffy occasionally coming up to play around once in a blue moon, Zoro was left to his own devices.

“It stinks!” Sanji complained. “It smells like sweaty marimo!”

“Deal with it. You wanna be seen?” Zoro bit back. “Shut up and smoke.” Zoro said, offering Sanji the cigarette.

“Mmh…” Sanji’s look soured. He took the cigarette and stared at it bitterly.

“What?” Zoro ground out. “What is it now?”

Sanji sighed. “....I can’t change back like this.”

Zoro’s jaw fell open. “Haa-?”

“N-not right away…” Sanji inwardly cursed himself. He hated having to explain something to embarassing. “The medicine...it takes three days to kick in. I have to constantly take it in or I’ll...turn into this…”

“So...three days..” Zoro repeated, processing what he was told.

Sanji groaned. “How am I going to cook? How am I going to…”

Zoro interrupted him. “Only three days?”

Sanji looked up at him in surprise. “.......Zoro?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far for me! I hope you’re enjoying this summer fic as much as I am. I’ll be sharing this on tumblr and adding some art, so please look forward to updates! Look back at previous chapters for art as well once I get them up! 
> 
> If you like my writing, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.com/mossybrows! If you want to see some of my art, please visit mossybrows-draws.tumblr.com for ZoSan! You’ll be able to see the mermaid!Sanji art when I put it up on tumblr!


	3. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro and Sanji end up in a rather...hard place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, it’s supposed to be spring over there for you folks in Europe and America, but apparently it’s still snowing! Well, time for some tropical mermaid fun to warm your hands and feet and hopefully some laughs to warm your heart! I’ll do my best!
> 
> I’m working on some more art for this, so please stay tuned! If you’d like to see some of my art, visit mossybrows.tumblr.com for zosan!  
> Here we go!

 

“Shut up.”

Zoro snickered.

“I said shut up!” Sanji growled.

Zoro sat at the table, a bottle of ale and a glass full of it in hi grip. He took another swig, snorting. “You look stupid.”

Sanji was preparing lunch, tub sitting on top of several stools so that he could reach the stove, pots, pans and ingredients. He bustled as usual, dexterous hands, now dressed in rubber gloves to keep the steel utensils from slipping out of his grasp. 

“Shut up.” Sanji grunted.

Sanji hated this. He looked like he was cleaning the bathroom rather than cooking, looking at the bright pink gloves. Sure, they were clean, brand new, in fact, but it still made his stomach churn. Curse the damn slimey covered fishy hands! Despite being sour about his situation, he knew that the slime wouldn’t just make it harder to cook, but he’d be damned if any of it got into his cooking!

Zoro sniffed the air. “Hm. Smells good.”

“Like you can smell anything other than sake and steel?” Sanji asked. “No, that’s wrong...you’re the one that smells like sake and steel.”

Zoro ignored that remark. “Is that fish soup? Better be with white rice or I won’t eat it.”

That was a lie, Zoro would eat it. Sanji cooked it for them after all. But there was something wrong with what he said this time.

“Fish?” Sanji asked. “Soup?”

“Hm?” Zoro asked.

“I’m making Chanko Nabe. It’s chicken with rice dashi.” Sanji explained flatly.

Come to think of it...it was getting kinda hot.

Come to think of it...he wasn’t so slimy anymore.

Come to think of it...the room was getting kind of steamy…

“Cook!” Zoro was on his feet, arms outstretched as Sanji slid out of his tub like a slug.

The swordsman caught his upper half--the human half, while the rest of him--his fish tail, fell to the floor with a splat. Zoro lifted him off the floor--the skin on Sanji’s cheeks and forearms was crisp, dried out and looking like it was half-cooked in patches.

“Idiot! Don’t cook yourself!” Zoro scolded, sprinting to the galley door.

On the other side, Usopp screamed as the door suddenly burst open, scaring him into a jump and sending him tumbling backwards.

“ _ Warii _ , Usopp!” Zoro barked in his hurry, heading to the starboard side of the ship.

_ Splash! _

That day, Zoro ate lunch with a swollen, fish-tail-slapped cheek. It was no less than the third time Zoro had dropped Sanji into the ocean. Despite not wanting to admit it, it was an obvious knee-jerk reaction.

Granted, the seawater seemed to completely heal the burns on Sanji’s skin. Where it had been crisp and almost ready to eat, it was soft and smooth, a healthy creamy color.

“Ano...Zoro.” Luffy spoke up. “Where’s Sanji?”

Zoro growled. “Why’re you asking me?”

“Well, you were the last one in the galley with him before he went for a swim. Is he sick?” Usopp asked, again, accidentally providing an excuse for both of them. “Did he get sick from swimming too much?”

“Something like that.” Zoro quickly replied through a bowl of rice in his mouth. 

“Eh?” Nami spoke up. “Since when did Sanji-kun have a cold?”

“Oh no!” Chopper chimed in, now actually concerned and taking Usopp’s words seriously. “I’m going to take care of him! Where is he, Zoro? The bunks?”

Usopp interrupted with a sigh. “I get that Sanji-kun likes fresh fish, but if he goes swimming everyday so suddenly, of course he’s going to get sick.”

To Zoro’s horror, Usopp’s good-hearted nature was about to doom Sanji’s little secret. The sniper stood up, ready to accompany their doctor.

“I’m going to lecture him! Zoro-kun, where is he?!” Usopp demanded with heroic fervor.

Zoro mentally fumbled for an answer, but settled for his usual tone. “Leave him be. He’s already slapped me for coming into his personal space.”

“Cook-san slapped you?” Robin joined the conversation, only alarming the already on-edge swordsman. “How unusual, did you two fight?”

“Hah?” Zoro grunted.

What did that mean?

“Eh, don’t Zoro and Sanji-kun fight all the time?” Nami interjected. “What’s unusual about that?”

“Oh, maybe it’s…” Robin trailed off before finishing the thought.

Zoro didn’t like the look on that devil woman’s face. He scowled, but tried to move on. “Calm down, he’s fine. He’s just being dramatic.”

“Where is he?” Nami asked.

Shit. There was no getting around the sea-witch. Huh. A mermaid and a sea-witch. That was an oddly fitting pair. 

“He’s in the nest.” Zoro finally said, motioning with a jab of his thumb. “I wouldn’t recommend going up there.”

Nami was already heading for the door with Chopper and Usopp in tow.

“Oi!” Zoro got up to block the doorway. “It’s gross! Don’t go up there, you’ll regret it!”

Nami’s look soured and Zoro could feel his spine chill to the bone. “Ara, Zoro...are you telling me what to do?”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

He quickly picked Chopper up into his arm. “I got it, I got it. I’m serious here, it’s not really something you can look at right now. I’ll take Chopper to go make sure he ain’t dying, alright?”

Damn. So much for a peaceful lunch. That slap on his face still hurt too. Stupid fish-tail.

“Zoro, is Sanji really that sick?” Chopper asked as they made their way out of the galley, towards the deck and towards the rafters to the crowsnest.

“Hm? Just lovesick as usual.” Zoro replied casually, hoisting himself and the reindeer who was now riding atop his head.

“But you seemed really worried, Zoro.” Chopper’s tone was serious. There was no denying the little doctor when he used this tone. “There’s something you’re not telling Luffy.”

“It’s not for me to say.” Zoro sighed in exasperation. “You’ll see.”

Though, he expected to get another tail-slap for bringing Chopper up. Surely enough, by the time the little reindeer's freakout had subsided, he saw the fin coming right for his unscathed cheek.

Slap!

“I told you NOT to tell anyone, you damn plant!” Sanji screeched, hissing with his little fin-shaped ears rattling.

Zoro simply accepted the blow, standing straight up in defiance, arms folded across his chest. “I know.”

“Stop trying act cool.” Sanji grunted back, just as seriously, more deadpan than the marimo was. “Accept your slap of shame.”

“There’s nothing for me to be ashamed of.” Zoro declared, not moving.

“I’LL SLAP YOU AGAIN!” Sanji threatened, tail wagging back and forth.

“Sanji!” Chopper finally interrupted them. “What happened? Why do you...why are you a fishman?”

Sanji’s jaw dropped. “EHHHH?! Do I look like Arlong?!”

“Eh-ah...no…” Chopper corrected himself with a stutter. “But...it’s not a medical condition?”

“No!” Sanji continued to yell. He slapped his tail against the floor, still sitting in the sea-water filled tub. “It’s a curse.”

Chopper went ahead and did his normal checkup. Granted, Sanji being a merman gave Chopper the opportunity to explore a new biology. After some talk about x-rays, hydrating drinks and more questions, the little reindeer seemed satisfied for now.

“Naah, Chopper.” Sanji dragged out. “You...won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“Nope! You can count on me, Sanji!” Chopper saluted. “Doctor-patient confidentiality!”

And with that, the chipper little doctor was off. Zoro carried him back down, before making his way back up with freshly filled buckets of seawater. Despite the chore, he did think that it provided a good enough workout to not be tedious.

Sanji’s tail slapped against the floorboards in sickening splats as Zoro filled a couple empty buckets with the old water from the tub. The first mate ignored the little tantrum he knew was brewing behind the fishy-cook’s bright blue eye. He had begun pouring in the new seawater when the blonde finally spoke up.

“You broke your promise, you jerk!” Sanji finally roared, giving one final loud SLAP to the floor with his tail.

Under the pressure from the cook’s powerful, single limb the floorboards dented inward. Despite their wooden appearance, Franky had made the entirety of the crowsnest with the same crazy-strong steel he was made out of. Now, one of Sanji’s legs could do similar damage, though it would take significantly more effort than what he was now exerting with the power of both his legs, combined into one massive fish-tail.

“I didn’t.” Zoro grunted back, frowning. “I never promised not to SHOW them. I didn’t TELL them anything.” He emphasized.

“Don’t make technical excuses!” Sanji hissed.

Zoro raised a brow at the reaction. “Is it me, or are you pissier than usual?”

“I am not!” Sanji protested. “I have a right to be mad! I’m mad!”

“So, what? You wanna go?!” Zoro snarled.

There it was again, that irritating spark they shared between them. In a matter of seconds and a few insults spat between them, they were forehead to forehead, both grinding their teeth at each other.

“I’ll kick yer ass!” Sanji declared.

Zoro snapped right back. “I’ll slice you up!”

“I’ll turn you into carpaccio!” Sanji snarled.

“You can’t kick me if you don’t have legs, fool!” Zoro countered.

Sanji wasn’t one to back down. “I can easily drown you!”

Before Zoro could process what Sanji had said, he’d been grabbed behind the head and pulled forward. His head plunged into the water and in his surprise he gasped.

Sanji hadn’t thought the move though and he quickly regretted his decision. He had been lounging, his body draped over the sides of the wooden tub, tailfin sticking out. The way his body was positioned had Zoro sputtering and coughing...right into his crotch.

“HOWAAHHH!” Sanji let go of the marimo.

Zoro immediately tumbled back, coughing and yelling. “Gaha-! Ga-you! Gah-ha-ass! I could’ve died!”

Sanji had pulled his entire body into the tub, curling up and essentially hiding under the water. Zoro wiped and blinked the water away from his eyes. The salt stug, making him tear up, even as he yelled in anger. After a slew of curses, he realized that he hadn’t gotten a response.

Inching closer to the tub, he peered into it, seeing Sanji curled up, face hidden behind the fin of his tail. He was almost like a snake, completely squished into the tub.

“Oi, cook.” Zoro prodded.

Sanji offered no reply other than turning his head away, obscuring his face even more.

Zoro twitched in irritation. “You overgrown spoiled mermaid princess!”

Still, Sanji didn’t react.

Zoro snorted his frustration through puffs from his nose. Stupid cook. He turned and started marching towards the crowsnest exit when he heard a splash behind him. He glanced over his shoulder.

“B-Bathroom…” Sanji stuttered, blonde head just barely peeking out from the rim of the tub.

“Ah?” Did he hear him wrong?

“Bathroom.” Sanji repeated a little more firmly. “I need to…”

Zoro snorted. “Get down yourself, then. You can, can’t you?”

“It’s your fault!” Sanji protested. “You blew on my...my…”

“Hah?” Zoro turned around completely, staring at Sanji with incredulous wide eyes. “I what?”

“Just help me get down!” Sanji demanded, lurching forward a little more and bobbing up enough to have his face completely above the rim of the tub.

It was then Zoro noticed that, despite Sanji peering over the side of the tub, he hadn’t been holding onto the side of the tub. From his position, he instead seemed to be leaning against the tub using his chin as a support. Where were his hands?

“...how do you even go?” Zoro asked, approaching.

Sanji didn’t like the look in the swordsman’s eyes. He immediately retreated under the water, curling and twisting his tail so that he could still snarl and hiss at Zoro, but keeping the rest of himself hidden...particularly under the waist.

Zoro grabbed the cook’s wrist--not too roughly, he would never hear the end of it if the cook had bruises anywhere near his hands--and pulled him closer.

“What are you doing?!” Sanji growled, baring his fangs threateningly.

As Zoro suspected he would, Sanj used his fin to push against the side of the tub, but the front of his lower half turned away. Zoro was about to make a grab for his other wrist when Sanji’s tailfin surged upwards and smacked him.

“Ghh-?!” Zoro flinched as a line of stinging pain sliced through his arm as the tailfin made its way back down into the water.

Those little curls on the cook’s fins were barbs! Zoro realized this, staring at the cook’s tail in surprise. Then, as usual, he snapped.

“You clumsy fish!” Zoro roared, yanking the wrist he held in his hand roughly, completely forgetting the careful manner he’d been handling it just a moment ago.

“YAAEEE!” Sanji yelped, tail splashing and flailing about.

Zoro followed suit with his own yelp of surprise, when a surge of panic caused Sanji to launch himself out of the tub and onto him.

They fell to the floor, Sanji on top of Zoro, soaking the swordsman with slime and seawater. Something hard pressed against Zoro’s abdomen. He glanced down, freezing in shock.

It was his own fault really. He’d been the one who was curious. Sanji had tried to hide it, but he just had to probe. Zoro knew all of that. Zoro knew that was all his fault. Still, he couldn’t help his reaction.

“What is that?!” Zoro screamed.

Sanji used his tail to flip himself off of Zoro, the horror evident on his face. The cook scurried back towards the tub, but Zoro had already seen the long, pale pink, thick shaft poking out from the middle of Sanji’s fishtail. A slit had opened up between the scales, allowing the long, phallus to protrude in all its glory. Zoro continued to stare, watching as Sanji disappeared back into the water of the tub.

They didn’t speak to each other on the second day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve started my new job, and it’s super stressful being a reporter huuuu! I hope I can still update this, though I’m really going to be on a hiatus for possibly the next 2 years. I’m really sorry!
> 
> Please, if you enjoy my work, I’d appreciate if you’d still stick around for this story! 
> 
> I’ve got art for this and other ZoSan stuff on mossybrows-draws.tumblr.com and if you want some extra stuff to go with my art, check out patreon.com/mossybrows for rewards! Patrons get Full size art, lineart and PSDs!


	4. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro and Sanji don't talk but they try????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohoo! Summer is here and the new art is finished, you can see it below! Please enjoy! I’ve started work as a reporter for the city I live in’s international newspaper, so I’ll be busy from now on! With that said, I hope you stay patient with me! Apologies about any spelling/grammar errors. I mostly write about my boys for stress-relief and usually do art! 
> 
> If you like my writing, please consider donating to ko-fi.com/mossybrows! If you want to see some of my zosan art, please check out mossybrows-draws.tumblr.com!

 

It. Was. So.

HOOOOOOOOOOT!

Zoro wheezed, finally making it up to the crowsnest after hauling the barrels full of whatever it was Sanji decided he absolutely needed, onto the ship. They’d found land yesterday, which was a nightmare for both himself and the cook to go through.

They hadn’t spoken the each other the whole day, however...that didn’t mean they avoided each other. Glancing up towards the crowsnest, Zoro recounted yesterday’s events with ire. He could already feel his stomach churning.

\--- Yesterday

Zoro hauled three full buckets of seawater over the port side of the ship, grunting in frustration as he placed them down to stretch his back. He wanted to loosen up before making the final haul up the rigging.

It was cool still, the sun hadn’t even broken the silence of the cool horizon in the distance. Despite it being very much morning, it felt very much like it was the dead of night. Zoro’s skin prickled with goosebumps as a breeze tickled across the grass of the ship’s deck.

How was he supposed to just forget what he saw yesterday?

Sighing a heavy sigh, Zoro began the arduous task of hauling the three full buckets up the rigging and to the crowsnest. He found Sanji there, lounging and smoking. The cook perked up, tailfin twitching as he registered the swordsman’s presence. They always knew when the other was nearby.

Sanji said nothing, a cigarette teetering between his dexterous fingers loosely. He didn’t look up as Zoro came closer, taking the empty buckets sitting nearby and starting to dip them into the water to drain the tub. One by one, he filled the buckets until Sanji was just barely sitting in two inches of water.

Zoro glanced up, noticing the light tint on the cook’s pale, scaly cheeks as he lifted one of the full buckets. As Zoro filled the tub with fresh seawater, the silence between them stretched long and thick.

Like something else that was long and thick.

Zoro suddenly dropped the bucket into the water when the thought crossed his mind. The image of the large, thick, fleshy thing marred his concentration, almost making him cry out a “no!”, which he thankfully refrained from.

Sanji jumped at the sudden splash and the feeling of the wooden bucket punting against his tail. He looked up and the two locked gazes. Each man’s breath caught and they stared at each other awkwardly.

Sanji grunted, frowning, breaking the intensity of their exchange first. Zoro, in return, also grunted and turned away. Both of their ears were flaming red as Zoro went to empty the last bucket into the tub, before going to take the buckets filled with the old seawater and throw them out back into the ocean.

Thinking about it as he made his way down the rigging...why did Zoro feel the need to exchange the seawater so often for Sanji? Hm. Maybe it was the same instinct that drove Zoro to rescue Brook from his predicament when the talking skeleton’s bones fell asleep while he shouted “I’m going to poop!”...perhaps. At least, that was the theory Zoro decided to settle on.

He emptied the buckets, staring blankly out into the ocean. Damn. Not talking to the cook was difficult.

There was no flare. There was no bickering. There was no arguing. There was no easy outlet for the dangerous spark they shared--the same spark that ignited the fighting spirit in both of them and lead them down similar, even parallel paths of thought, often to the exact same conclusions. But now, it was as if there was a dam there, blocking the natural flow of explosive, volatile, uncontrollable and yet unidentifiable emotions.

What was he supposed to do with the strange tightness he could feel not just in his chest, but to the very tips of his fingers and the hard stiffness of his jaw to the very harsh furrow of his brows.

“Damn him.” Zoro spat at nobody in particular. 

He watched as the sun came up, snorting his frustration out through his nostrils in a flare. How long could they keep this up? Sure, Chopper was in on their little secret now, but could they really survive the next two days without communicating?

After filling the buckets he had emptied with more fresh seawater, he brought them up and placed them next to the tub, uttering a sigh as the first chore of his day was done. He avoided eye contact with Sanji the entire time, making his way back down to fetch the ingredients the cook had instructed he put aside the night before. He brought up a long wooden plank he borrowed from Franky, a few onions, the knife set, some of the fish they’d caught the other day and a myriad of other vegetables and spices. Once he’d set them all down, he waited for affirmation from the cook.

Sanji’s expression changed and his ears wriggled in irritation. He stared at a couple of the spice tubs that Zoro had brought and growled. Still, the stubborn cook didn’t want to say what the swordsman had done wrong. Zoro rolled his eyes and made his way back down. Sanji watched, confused and irritated, but still refusing to speak up as the big goon left.

Zoro marched his way right down to the galley, walking right into the kitchen. Looking up at the shelf where he had retrieved the spices, he promptly yanked the entire thing off the wall. He brought the whole thing up, thankfully for him, it didn’t weight much at all and bringing it up the rigging (alternating with his free hand and his teeth to hold onto the ropes) was easy enough.

At first, the cook had been surprised, eyes wide and fangs bared, ready to reprimand the swordsman for what both he and Zoro knew must have transpired in the sacred galley. Zoro expected to finally, finally hear the screech of anger, emphasized by the unusual clack of fangs. But Sanji seemed to think through their options and realized that having all of the spices right then and there really was more convenient. If Zoro didn’t know which spices he wanted, then it was easier to just have all of them. In a move both didn’t expect, Sanji lowered his gaze to the things Zoro brought up, almost in a nod, in acknowledgement of Zoro’s offering.

Sanji selected the knife he was going to start working with first, Zoro wordlessly moving to lay the wooden plank across the tub while Sanji reached down to grab the cutting board to place it on the now makeshift table. The cook got to work, chopping away as Zoro held up empty plates for Sanji to place the raw ingredients on each time he finished working with them. The vegetables were chopped, the harder ones soaked in water, the fish marinated in spices and rice washed to boil for breakfast.

Below, Luffy had already rushed his way to the galley, completely forgetting what Chopper had said about Sanji being ill. Luckily for the both of them, they were up in the crowsnest, having expect this outcome.

“Sanjiiii! Sanjiiii!” Luffy cried out, zooming in and out of the galley. “I’m hungryyyy!”

“Shut up!” Nami’s voice came, along with a BAM! “Sanji is sick, remember! You get your food anyway! I’ll get to it!”

Zoro got up, opening the window and leaning out. “Oi! Luffy! Nami! Cook had porridge planned for breakfast! He’s got everything ready, I’ll bring it down!”

The surprise on Nami’s face and the look of delight of Luffy’s were expected outcomes as Zoro brought the plates, neatly perched on top of a large tray, down for them.

“I’ll go get the rice, just set it to boil for 30 minutes, since it’s already soft and soaked.” Zoro informed, before starting back up the rigging.

“Hold on a second.” Nami’s voice was stern.

Zoro wanted to bury his head like an ostrich, that very moment.

Nami, hands on her hips started her tirade. “If Sanji-kun is sick, why is he still preparing ingredients?”

“You know that guy.” Zoro defended. “He can’t get enough of his cooking.”

“I want to see him.” Nami said, approaching the rigging.

Zoro jumped off, landing in front of her. “What? You’re just going to freak out, it’s not pretty.”

“Then why is he still preparing ingredients?” Nami asked.

“He’s wearing gloves to keep everything clean, calm down.” Zoro continued, undeterred--but one wrong move and the sea-witch would be discovering the little mermaid in no time. “You don’t want a catch whatever it is, right? I’ve never been sick in my life.”

Zoro echoed all of their sentiments from the time they had landed on Drum Island and Nami had been ill. He almost immediately regretted his decision when Nami raised her fist.

“What?!” She demanded more than asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Zoro gritted his teeth, ready to receive the same blow that Luffy got that morning, but was pleasantly surprised to find Nami calming down sooner than he expected.

“Fine, but tell him not to overdo it.” She said, frowning.

She was just concerned--Zoro knew, but he’d really be eating his own words if he let Nami up into the crowsnest. Chopper’s discovery was something he knew Sanji could forgive him for, but Nami? Zoro didn’t enjoy getting slapped around by a fishtail and not getting to retaliate. He didn’t feel right about hitting the cook while he was down.

“Yeah, yeah, hold on.” Zoro agreed.

He retreived the massive pot of rice that barely made it through the in-and-out of the crowsnest, taking it to the kitchen. Thankfully, Nami wasn’t completely unreasonable and didn’t try to ascend the rigging to go see Sanji for herself while Zoro was preoccupied. Luffy, despite his whining, went to go bother Usopp and Chopper as soon as they woke up and emerged from the boys’ quarters.

Soon enough, Nami was calling everyone to the galley for breakfast and yelling at Luffy when he tried to take more than his already huge share. Zoro took his and Sanji’s bowls and left. Nobody asked where he was going.

As he poked his head up through the floor of the crowsnest, one bowl perched on his head and the other in his free hand, he spied the empty tub. Slightly alarmed, he set the bowl in his hand down on the floor and pushed it aside to make room for himself as he got up. He removed the bowl from the top of his head and picked up the one on the floor, bowls in both hands, he looked around the crowsnest.

There was a wet trail leading from the tub to the window, but it ended there. Zoro’s blood ran cold, he sprinted for the window. With a sigh of relief he discovered it was shut and there was no other trail leading from the window anywhere else. The cook wouldn’t have done something as stupid as jumping out a window...alright, maybe he would, normally. But not while he was half a fish. Zoro turned, from this angle, he could see that the cook was once again completely submerged underneath the seawater in the tub.

Was he sulking, because he wasn’t able to prepare breakfast that morning? Zoro wondered, approaching the fish-cook and setting the other’s bowl down. Sanji slowly rose out of the water, peering over the side of the tub to glare at Zoro. No, the frustration in his gaze wasn’t directed towards him, the first mate realized after a moment of their eyes locking.

Zoro pushed the bowl forward, delicious-smelling, piping hot steam rose from it enticingly.

Sanji stared at it, then glanced up at Zoro, then at the bowl. Zoro raised a brow, wanting to say something, anything to break the awkward silence. But what was there to say? Eat? Right, he could say that. Zoro’s lips parted as he prepared to speak, when Sanji made his move.

Surging up and out of the tub with a splash, the cook grabbed the bowl and with another splash, returned under the surface of the tub. The bowl went underwater, as did the porridge, floating up and out of the bowl in chunks and pieces, immediately cooled by the ocean water. Zoro blinked in surprise a few times, watching as Sanji opened his mouth to eat. The gills on the sides of the cook’s neck flared as pieces of the porridge were sucked directly into his mouth. Sanji twisted and turned in the tub, until every last bit of porridge was gone.

Zoro was still holding his bowl in his hand, completely lost in the sight when Sanji came back up, setting the soaked but empty bowl back down on the floor. Zoro’s jaw had fallen open and a cold sweat was trickling down the side of his cheek. Sanji saw his expression and immediately became hostile.

They shot insults at each other with the expressions on their face. 

Zoro had started with an exasperated look of  _ ‘what, you turning into a full fish or something?’  _

To which Sanji responded with an angry shake of his ears that said,  _ ‘You got a problem with how I eat?’ _

Zoro’s shoulders dropped in reply in a manner that expressed something like,  _ ‘don’t tell me you’re going to resort to eating raw fish if I don’t feed you.’ _

Sanji retaliated with an angry swish of his tail meaning,  _ ‘how’s about I eat you next, you shitty swordsman!’ _

Zoro grunted, raising his own bowl in a gesture of  ‘ _ eat this first, then, dumbass.’ _

Sanji blinked, eyes widening in a look of  _ ‘huh _ ?’

It was then Zoro noticed something strange about Sanji’s eyes. They were much larger and softer than usual. Usually, Sanji’s lids were halfway down his eye, obscuring most of his pupil in a look of relaxed laziness that masked his true danger level. Now, they were completely open--Sanji’s eyes weren’t sharp, they were round and full.

The bright blue of his irises sparkled, now that the light of the room was able to reflect off of them properly. Like the ocean. Like All Blue.

They were  _ Sanji’s _ eyes.

Zoro snapped out of his stupor when those eyes were suddenly up close, too close, in fact. The blue blurred as the cook’s head surged forward and met his own in a slam! They butted heads, Zoro immediately snapping to attention and pushing back, a scowl and a snarl quickly on his lips.

Sanji said nothing. He said nothing in return. They both just snarled and growled, foreheads pressed together in lieu of their usual argument.

_ Smack _ ! There came the fishtail, met by Zoro’s forearm in a defensive block. They struggled against each other’s strength for a moment, before both broke apart.

Zoro spat and turned away. Sanji mimicked the action. Neither of them wanted a repeat of yesterday’s situation of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Silently each conceded in their own way. Zoro sat down to eat his porridge and Sanji got to pulling his plastic gloves on and picking up his packet of Death to start smoking.

Zoro finished eating, taking Sanji’s bowl and descending to put it in the sink so that he could wash it later that night once all the dishes had piled. He returned to the crowsnest to start his weight-lifting regimen.

Sanji watched, the bulging muscles, skin flushed and sweating as the swordsman worked, lifting, lowering, lifting and lowering, again and again. The cook swallowed, his ears wriggling in excitement as he watched the tanned chest puff and huff, the glare of concentration furrow the green brow. Hungry, wide, blue eyes raked over delicious flesh eagerly.

Sanji’s stomach growled and Zoro stopped, mid-rep, looking up. Again, their eyes met.

“...idiot.” Zoro scowled.

Sanji glared right back. “Moron.”

And just like that, they were speaking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeey! We got through this! I had such a HARD time trying to get Zoro and Sanji trying to interact with each other while NOT talking! 
> 
> Trying to keep it to canon is something I like to say I try my best to do. So I hope that this wasn’t too OOC for many of you, with Sanji being a mermaid and all! (Sanji: Maaan...I’m a MAN mossy-chan!)  
> I’ve got art for this and other ZoSan stuff on mossybrows-draws.tumblr.com and if you want some extra stuff to go with my art, check out patreon.com/mossybrows for rewards! Patrons get Full size art, lineart and PSDs!


	5. Day Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a damn hot day. (Updated with art!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yahoh! I've started some fieldwork at my job as a reporter for the first time this week! I went to the Bureau of Statistics and I just went to City Hall! It's been fun, but thankfully not too busy for me! Here's an update! I hope you all likes the last chapter!
> 
> I'd really appreciate a little more feedback, since I'm an artist, not a writer! Much appreciated! On to the fic!

 

They’d gotten over the silent treatment with each other somehow, yesterday. Today was the final day--the final trial.

Getting the others to believe Sanji was just on another recipe-invention craze, having him be out of sight of the crew for the rest of today (which was thankfully, the last day) wasn’t too difficult. Today, Sanji himself had been able to convince the others he was preparing a shopping list from the other side of the (newly repaired) closed pantry door. After the crew had gone, the cook had coerced the swordsman into carrying him on his back in a large burlap sack to go get the ingredients he’d actually wanted from their current port.

Zoro scowled, glaring at the cook who was currently lounging in leisure in his freshly changed seawater tub. In the cook’s hand was a book, pages soaked at the corners from being turned by slime-coated fingers. It was one of Robin’s storybooks that Chopper often asked someone to read to him as they were going to sleep. In his other hand was a cigarette in plastic wrap, so that the dampness of the cook’s fingers wouldn’t stop him from puffing on it.

They’d both agreed that changing the water using buckets would be most effective. Though, doing so everyday was something Zoro had been vehemently against at first. Sanji had convinced him that such a thing would serve as a different kind of weight-lifting that required more repetition, flexibility and concentration than just ‘pumping dumbells that make you dumber’. They’d had a spat, but that was that.

“Lazy eel.” Zoro insulted, glaring at the fish-cook.

Sanji flicked the tip of his tail and splashed some of the salty water onto Zoro’s face. “What’d you say?”

Zoro shut his eye as some water landed on it, along with the rest of his face. He was about to retort when...a thought struck him. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Sanji questioned, lowering the book. “What, ‘oh’?” He narrowed his gaze at Zoro suspiciously.

Zoro started stripping.

“What are you doing?!” Sanji screamed, sloshing around in his tub. Even if he wanted to run, he really couldn’t. “Oi!”

Zoro came over, only in his boxers. He was already covered in sweat, so there was no point in worry about his underwear at this point. He bent over and lifted Sanji up, the cook flailing in surprise.

“Don’t thrash so much--oi!” Zoro warned, the cook slipping in his arms from the slimey substance that coated his body. 

“Don’t take me out of the water, then!” Sanji hissed back, ears rattling in warning. “It’s hot! It’s too hot!”

Zoro gave up then, just letting both their combined weights collapse onto his ass. With a splash, there they were, both sitting in the seawater-filled wooden tub.

“.........this is my tub.” Sanji said after a pause.

Zoro sighed, finally letting Sanji go to lean back against the edge of it. “Haa...it’s too hot to argue. Don’t be so stingy.”

“Ick-!” Sanji scoffed dramatically--he was doing it on purpose to get on Zoro’s nerves. “You’re mixing your sweat with the water!”

Zoro didn’t bother to move, but he did raise his voice “Haa? And you’re not always adding your sweat to the water?!”

“What are you talking about?!” Sanji snapped back. “I don’t sweat when I’m a merman!”

Zoro lifted his hand and his brow, poking at Sanji’s shoulder. A string of slime came off, clinging onto his finger and creating a small bridge between his finger and Sanji’s skin. “Then what’s this shit?”

Sanji’s skin went from a healthy hue to bright red. “That’s NOT sweat!”

The next thing Zoro knew, there was a massive stinging pain all over his face and he saw fiery colors of red, orange and yellow. Sanji’s had smacked him with his fishtail. Again. 

Zoro growled and backhanded the tail away, the slime now coating even the back of his hand. “Gross! It’s on my face! Aren’t you slimier than usual?!”

Sanji’s jaw dropped in an expression of hurt which then turned into rage. “If you’re going to complain, then just get out of MY tub!”

“No way, it’s hot!” Zoro protested. 

They began to bicker loudly, as per usual. After a few minutes, both men were slumped in the tub, Sanji sitting on Zoro’s lap as they both soaked.

“Somehow...the water feels kinda hot now…” Sanji wheezed.

Zoro panted right back. “That’s cause you wouldn’t shut up.”

“You started it…” Sanji yawned tiredly. “Mmh...I want to go down and cook.”

Zoro sighed. “Right now? It’s too hot. You’ll dry out.”

But Sanji insisted. “What if the others come back, what then, huh?” He frowned, tail swishing back and forth in the water petulantly. “I need to make lunch before they return! I can’t let Nami-swan do all the cooking all the time! I prepared the ingredients, I should finish cooking them!”

Zoro grunted. “Fine, fine, just five more minutes…”

In less than that amount of time, Zoro was carrying the tub with Sanji in it in one arm, while holding onto the rope rigging they used to get to and from the crowsnest.

“Don’t drop me!” Sanji yelled, clinging onto the sides of the tub for dear life.

Zoro grunted, a warm breeze causing the ropes to swing suddenly. He tried his best to steady himself. “I haven’t yet, have I?!”

“You did the first time!” Sanji complained.

Zoro let go of the rigging, hopping down a few feet, before grabbing on once more.

“WAH!” The water in the tub splashed around violently as Sanji was tossed in the air, before landing back into the tub. “Oi! Stop flinging me like a flambe dish!”

“Shut it.” Zoro growled back, concentrating on the rigging in front of him. “I’m going to jump two more times. We’re only halfway down.”

Sanji grumbled to himself, but didn't complain particularly loudly any longer. He sank under the water, tail sticking out spectacularly. Zoro had a sinking feeling in his gut, before he heard the voice. The same voice that had startled them just yesterday.

“OIIIIII!” Luffy called up to them. “ZOROOOOO!”

Shit. Shit shit shit.

“Luffy?!” Zoro yelled back down, mostly in surprise. “You’re back already?!”

“Aaah, I got hungry!” Luffy chuckled with a wide grin. “Where’s Sanji?! Is that a fish?!”

Sanji had sunk into the water of the tub. He could remain below the surface in an inevitable amount of time sure, thanks to his gills but...if Luffy were to rubber-arm his way up there to them, he’d see!

“Ah…” Shit. Zoro wasn’t good at lying.

“Luffy! Don’t you dare touch that fish!” Sanji suddenly called out, startling Zoro.

The cook hadn’t peeked over the side of the tub, allowing him to stay hidden from the angle Luffy was at.

“What are you-...” Zoro hissed.

“Eh? Sanji?! Sanji?!” Luffy started looking around. “Sanji where are you?!”

“Nevermind that! If you’re hungry, go look for a butcher shop!” Sanji instructed. “I’ll grill it up with this fish!”

“Ooooooh!” Luffy’s eyes lit up. The draw of Sanji’s perfectly grilled meat was never something Luffy could resist. “Okay! I’ll be right back!”

And he was off in a cloud of dust, right back off the ship and into the market.

“That’s not a lot of time.” Zoro pointed out, letting go of the rigging. “We need to get an actual fish to grill, unless you’re ready to be cooked by yourself.”

“Hmph. It worked didn’ Iiii-AAAAAHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Sanji yelped as they both fell towards the grassy deck.

Sanji and the seawater both flew upwards, out of the tub. The cook failed, tail’s momentum causing him to spiral downward as he plummeted. 

Zoro landed first, holding the tub. He looked up, grasping the tub with both hands and rocking back and forth, taking a step back as he tried to aim for Sanji’s falling body along with the water. With a splash, followed by another one, Zoro had caught Sanji right in the tub.

“Huph…!” Zoro grunted as he bent his knees to lessen the impact Sanji experienced. “There.”

Sanji was panting hard, panic clear on his face. “You jerk!” He slapped Zoro with his fin. “There’s no water left!”

Not only was there no water left, there was no longer any time. Luffy was speeding back towards them, holding a massive piece of raw meat on the bone. 

“SANJIIIIIII!” their captain enthusiastically cheered.

“He’s back!” Sanji panicked even more.

Zoro sprinted towards the railing of the starboard side without even thinking. He flung the tub, throwing Sanji out of it. The cook sailed through the air, screaming, before splashing into the sea. This was the third time.

“Eh? Sanji?” Luffy stopped once he was on the deck, putting the gargantuan piece of meat down on the grass. “Zoro, where’d Sanji go?”

Zoro was sweating again. It was too hot for this shit! 

“He’s...f-fishing...fish….got away…” Zoro tried to explain, combining two truths into a lie.

Luffy was immediately disappointed. “Ehh?! But he said he would grill me this meat!”

“He’ll grill it when he catches a fish!” Zoro wheezed.

“Eh? Zoro? What’s wrong?” Luffy asked, now fixated on his first mate. “Is it hot? You’re sweating a lot, Zoro!”

Zoro shut his eyes, sighing a long, tired sigh. “Hmmh...it’s ho-WOAH?!”

And then Zoro was thrown over deck. The last thing he saw before he hit the water was his captain’s well-meaning, smiling face.

“LUFF-!?” and the rest of his protest was lost to the waves.

He felt a cool, sleek hand grab onto his and pull him upwards. Breaking the surface, he gasped for breath. Despite being grateful for the air, he was confused when he felt two familiar hands pushing him forward, clinging onto his shirt while trying to keep them both afloat.

“Sanji, there you are!” Luffy grinned, peering over the side of the ship.

“Damn gomu!” Sanji yelled back. “You can’t just go tossing people into the sea!”

Luffy’s expression changed. “Eh? Ah...Sanji…”

Zoro then realized that the water was clear. Sanji was completely visible, compared to yesterday.

“You’re a mermaid!” Luffy screamed, eyes sparkling!

Sanji snarled in frustration. “Damnit.” He said, pushing Zoro away from him completely.

Oh, he had been using Zoro to try and hide his body from Luffy. So that’s why he was holding him up like that. Unfortunately, now the jig was up.

“Wow Sanji! How’d you do that?!” Luffy beamed with excitement! “I wanna see!”

Luffy had already had one step onto the railing, ready to jump into the water.

“You idiot! Don’t jump in!” Zoro scolded. “You can’t swim!”

A look of surprised crossed their captain’s features, before he smiled. “Oh yeah! I forgot!”

“So much for keeping it a secret.” Sanji groaned.

Zoro turned his attention to the cook, mouth opening slightly to say something. But, what could he say? What was there to say? They’d both tried their best, but they’d still gotten caught. Sorry?

No way. He wasn’t not going to apologize to curls of all people. But shouldn’t he?

“What?” Sanji suddenly asked.

“Hm?” Zoro blinked in surprise. “What?”

“What ‘what’? You’re looking at me like I’m grilled fish.” Sanji pointed out, flatly, annoyed.

“Maybe cause you look like grilled fish.” Zoro replied, without even trying to be insulting.

Hm. That was strange, Zoro realized. He and Sanji would always fall into this pattern, regardless of whether or not they were trying to bicker.

Sanji snapped back at once. “Oh yeah?! Well, you look like spoiled seaweed!”

Zoro was in the middle of his epiphany, thoughts interrupted.  “Who’re you calling seaweed, you-!”

“Oiiiii! Sanjiiiii! I’m hungry!” Luffy nagged, waving his arms to get both their attentions.

Sanji ignored Zoro, turning his attention to their captain. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right up! Look, you bumbling water-monster, we’re wasting time!”

Zoro could feel his entire face twitch. “Oh YEAH?”

With a surge, Zoro turning in the water, catching Sanji by the waist in his momentum. He grinned when he saw Sanji’s expression change in the split second he caught him in his arm, suddenly propelling it like a slingshot, sending Sanji flying up and out of the water at tremendous speed. Huh, it was no harder than throwing a pebble, Zoro thought.

“HOWAAH--?!” Sanji cried as he flew, landing on the deck in a heap. 

Luffy was laughing so hard he was rolling on the grassy deck. Sanji righted himself and yelled at their captain furiously, slapping his tail against the deck with a mighty force. Zoro was up shortly after, shaking the water out of his hair and sitting on the railing.

They started to arrive then, one by one, soon the whole crew was back. Chopper was apologizing for keeping it a secret from Luffy. Nami was berating Zoro for lying to her. Franky was poking and prodding along with Usopp. Brook, of course was already writing songs about ‘The Mermaid Who Could Cook and Smoke’, Robin was asking whether Sanji would turn into soap bubbles if he didn’t kiss a prince. The entire time, Sanji was looking at Zoro with a look at said ‘ _ do something! _ ’.

They had a lot of explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! Again, please leave a comment below about what you think, what you'd like to see, etc! If you like my art, consider supporting me on patreon.com/mossybrows and you can get goodies! 
> 
> Tier rewards range from $1 to $10! You can get Full Size (300 DPI) versions of all my work, Lineart and even full, working PSDs!
> 
> If you like my writing, consider donating to me on ko-fi.com/mossybrows instead! Thank you so much!


	6. "Hungry Swordsman" (H)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SMUT Chapter.
> 
> Zoro and Sanji meet halfway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a SPECIAL chapter for all the hate anons I've been getting on tumblr recently. You don't like the gay? HAVE ALL THE GAY. THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING GAY CHAPTER, OK?!

 

Zoro groaned, turning over in his sleep. His lips pressed together hard, chewing on a dream-onigiri he had in his mouth. When tooth ground against tooth, Zoro flinched. The loud grinding sound caused him to wake in an unpleasant mood.

He sat up, looking around to find himself in the crowsnest. When had he fallen asleep up there instead of the bunk?

_ Splash _ .

“Hm?” Zoro looked for where the sound had come from, immediately assuming it was from the tub.

He found a pair of legs sticking out from the water, hanging over the side of the tub. Blinking, he rubbed in eyes to get rid of the rest of the sleep in them. Was he seeing things properly?

A cough alerted Zoro and sent the swordsman to his feet. He sprinted towards the tub, grabbing the sides of it and peering in. “Cook!”

Sanji was human. The cook lay there in the tub, arms, legs and head out of the water. His limbs dangled out of the sides of the tub, while his nose just barely remained out of the water. Sanji coughed again, unknowingly trying to breathe through his mouth in his sleep.

“Cook, you idiot!” Zoro barked, reaching into the water and encircling his arms around Sanji’s torso and waist. “Do you want to drown?!”

He pulled Sanji out of the water, the cook snapping his eyes open and going into a full coughing fit.

“Gaha!” Sanji lurched forward, face slipping right into the crook of Zoro’s neck and shoulder. “Ghu-! Ghkaha!”

The cook was shivering in Zoro’s arms. “Cook…”

Sanji wheezed, Zoro’s shirt crumpling in his death-grip. “Zh-koh! Zo...ro…?”

“You’re freezing.” Zoro’s chest was heaving hard.

Sanji closed his eyes, cuddling closer to Zoro and the warmth he provided. In contrast to Sanji’s cold, pale flesh, Zoro was burning hot. The blond sought out that heat, pressing their bodies as close as possible to each other’s, spreading his thighs to accommodate the other’s hips against his own. He continued to shiver, heaving breaths just as hard as Zoro was.

“It’s cold…” Sanji whispered, still half-asleep. Now that the adrenaline rush from being so suddenly awoken had worn off, he could feel himself starting to drift off again.

Sanji’s diminished movements alarmed Zoro, who turned his head, subsequently burying his nose in damp, blonde strands. Sanji’s hair was soft, in a way that was rough, but fluffy. It wasn’t the same silky texture it had been, where it was almost surreal to the touch. Sanji’s skin was clammy, covered in goosebumps and almost frightening to feel under Zoro’s fingers. Before, it had been smooth, not slimey but firm and silky, like the smoothness of the surface of one of his swords. Like it wasn’t real skin, but an imitation.

The naked body in his arms was nothing like the smooth, fantasy of the perfect body often told of in stories. There was nothing magically enchanting about the texture he felt of Sanji’s scarred back under his fingers as he cradled the cook. This felt real. This was Sanji.

Zoro’s breath caught in his throat as he slowly felt along Sanji’s pale, chilled flesh. This was Sanji.

“Cook…” Zoro spoke up, realizing now that the cook’s breathing had slowed.

Sanji mumbled, opening his eyes and leaning back to look up at whoever it was calling his name. Oh. The idiot marimo. “Mhmh...wha…? I’m tired…”

“You’ll get sick like this.” Zoro pointed out. “You’re frozen.”

“You’re warm, it’s fine…” Sanji sighed--he smiled a bit, half because he was dazed, half because it felt so good to stretch his legs again. “I’m finally...not a deadweight anymore.”

Zoro’s chin jerked up slightly at that remark.

Sanji yawned, stretching his legs, squeezing Zoro’s hips between his powerful thighs. “Hmmh...I can finally cook...wash the dishes...scrub the deck...serve the ladies…”

Zoro eyed Sanji’s happy face. The cook’s eyes were sunken in, sullen but he was smiling. He looked like he hadn’t seen the sun in days. Despite his awful appearance, Sanji tried his best to look cheerful, though Zoro could tell he probably felt like shit. Sleeping in a cold tub full of water, completely naked, overnight, couldn’t be good for anyone.

“I’ve never been sick in my life.” Sanji reassured with a proud grin, as if reading Zoro’s mind.

Zoro frowned, hand shooting up to wrap itself behind Sanji’s neck and pull him forward. Their lips crashed together in a bruising clash accompanied by teeth. Sanji gasped in surprise, Zoro felt his lip split from how roughly he’d driven his mouth into Sanji’s.

“Mh-ha-!” Sanji struggled to pull away. “Zo-...mpph-!”

Sanji’s mouth tasted dry, unusually so. There were no traces of tobacco--how long had it been since he last smoked? Was it because the change had erased all traces of the last three days? There were no scales on the man’s cheeks, no dampness or slime on his skin. It was as if those three days had never even happened.

“Cook…” Zoro breathed, pulling away.

Sanji gasped for breath, face flushed pink, dry mouth now dripping wet with saliva. Zoro admired the sight for a moment, Sanji’s damp hair was messed up with his fingers entangled in them. With his gaze, he traced the way Sanji’s neck arched back into the palm of his hand as he cradled the man’s head. It looked delicious.

The minute that thought crossed Zoro’s mind, he found himself biting down into that flushed neck.

“Ah!” Sanji yelped, skin turning warm rather than the frightening cold it had been moments ago.

Sanji started smacking Zoro’s back with a hand, legs flailing. He couldn’t get a good kick in with his thighs spread open like this, Zoro’s torso pressing directly into his crotch. Not that the friction against his naked dick would allow him to try anything anyway. He needed a moment to think--to breathe! What was going on? Zoro was...Zoro was holding him, kissing him and now…

“Yaa-!” Sanji cried out, feeling a sudden, wet suction teasing his left nipple as calloused fingers pinched his right.

Glancing down, Sanji was petrified by the hungry glint in Zoro’s eyes. He felt himself shudder, an instinctive gesture that was not lost to Zoro. A feral grin stretched the swordsman’s thin lips. It was the same look Zoro had when he was going to go in for the kill. It was a look that always sent Sanji’s heart racing, whenever he caught a glimpse of it.

In the midst of battle, Sanji was always, always more fixated on whoever it was he was fighting to protect his crew. Secondary came the side-eye he would always give every one of his nakama. There was always time for banther, of course, but his concentration and fortune would only ever allow him subtle glimpses of the swordsman’s face. Even then, he would only be able to think back on what he’d managed to see, later; long after the battle was over. Sometimes days would pass before he would even recall those moments; the way Zoro’s eyes sharpened, the way the swordsman’s gums showed when he had his mouth stretched to a maniac’s grin.

The face of the ‘demon of east blue’ was always just out of reach, just a moment too soon gone. Right now, that same, hungry--no, starving look was directed completely towards him. Sanji sat in awe at the full effect of being exposed to Zoro’s killer expression.

Was this really happening? Was he actually not dead--having frozen to death in the seawater-filled tub and passed in the night? Was this not some weird sex-dream the afterlife was gifting him with before pulling the rug out from beneath him?

“Zoro…?” Sanji’s voice was but a peep. “Are you...really the marimo?”

Zoro looked up, releasing the cook’s nipple and licking his lips. A small gasp escaped Sanji’s lips as he felt his wrist taken hostage by the same, calloused, strong fingers that were just teasing his other nipple. Zoro kissed Sanji’s hand, the playful kiss turning into a nibble, then into a lustful lick.

“Are you really the cook?” Zoro shot back, no humor in his voice.

That was not one of Zoro’s swords, poking Sanji’s naked, flushed belly. “Wh-wha-?” Sanji stammered.

Before he could glance down, Zoro had stolen his lips once more, pressing feverishly forward until Sanji had no choice but to fall back, cradled by strong arms. There were callouses all over Zoro’s hands--something Sanji had already known. He’d memorized every single one from sight and the short times the had their hands pressed together in an attempt to throw each other off during their many fights. How many times…?

How many times had Sanji thought of holding those calloused hands in his more gently than he would like to admit?

“You’re all salty.” Zoro complained, tongue travelling down Sanji’s forearm to his elbow.

Zoro inspected it for any sign that there were fins there. Sanji fidgeted uncomfortably, starting to catch on to what Zoro’s deal was. When Zoro found no trace of scales or fins there, he gave a satisfied, but evil-looking smile that sent shivers down Sanji’s back, all the way down to the one place he’d been trying to keep under control.

“L-Let me shower first, then.” Sanji suggested, wriggling.

Without hesitation, Zoro wrapped his fingers around Sanji’s cock.

“HYAA-!” Sanji found Zoro’s mouth being forced onto his own, quickly silencing his loud cry.

The blond could do very little aside from shudder with every gracious, but torturously slow pump Zoro gave his cock. He was desperately holding onto Zoro’s back, cradled in the other man’s firm, selfish hold.

Ah...so this is what Zoro was like, when he wanted to be selfish.

“How easy to read.” Sanji remarked with a chuckle. Still, he could understand what the swordsman must have been thinking these past three days.

Everyone was worried about him, Sanji knew. Everyone was worried whether or not the medicine he took would work. Everyone was worried whether or not they could get their cook back. Everyone was worried whether he would be alright, even if he didn’t change back.

But Zoro was the one who had seen him first. Zoro had kept his secret as best as he could, as bad as he was at it. Zoro tried his best.

Now, Zoro wanted to confirm that he was back to normal.

“What?” Zoro growled--concentration entirely elsewhere and not even in the slightest bit interested in having a conversation.

“You’re so bull-headed.” Sanji chuckled, he pulled his arms back, dragging his blunt nails along Zoro’s back as he did so.

This time, it was Zoro’s turn to shudder under the touch. The swordsman caught Sanji’s gaze, holding it. Sanji cupped the swordsman’s face, never once breaking eye-contact.

“I’m right here, you darn fool.” Sanji smiled, pulling Zoro down for a kiss.

At the same time, Sanji hooked his legs around Zoro’s waist, grinding their crotches against each other. Zoro snarled into the kiss, a hand going down to undo his pants and free his aching cock. Sanji let himself shudder, entire body taken in by the wave of pleasure that was the feeling of having Zoro’s bare, hard, dripping cock against his own. They moved together then, grinding against each other, hot and slick and hungry. Sanji didn’t know if this was real. Zoro didn’t know if he was dreaming. All they felt was their throbbing bodies against each other and the friction between their hips.

A earthy, Zoro-like scent snapped Sanji out of their heated grinding session. His mind was too hazy to try and figure out what it was--when he was rudely pulled back to reality by the feeling of something slick and hard pressing into his ass.

“Gh-!” He bit down on Zoro’s shoulder. “Zoro, wait you…!”

“Relax.” Zoro breathed. “I’m using the choji oil…”

“Ch-choji…” Sanji repeated.

Oh, the one for his swords, Sanji realized. That’s where the earthy, almost incense-like scent came from. Sanji recalled a vague memory of Zoro polishing his swords on the deck for the first time. He had picked up the small bottle and sniffed it; only to have it rudely snatched away from him by the swordsman. Zoro had always been careful and very protective about the sacred special oil he used to clean and polish his katana to perfection.

“You’re...using that?” Sanji questioned, feeling hs face heat up. “I-Isn’t that kind...h-hard to come by?”

“You want it to hurt?” Zoro replied with another question.

Sanji was about to protest, to insist they use something else, when he felt Zoro’s finger dip into his insides and strike something within him. All his thoughts stopped and he could do nothing more than gasp and arch his back at the electric feeling that shot up his spine.

Zoro grinned his feral grin, prodding the same spot over and over again. “Found it.”

The swordsman leaned forward then, firmly keeping Sanji in his lap as he continued to stimulate the blond’s prostate. Sanji was gasping, hissing in pain and yelping in surprise at the little bits of pleasure that shook his body. Zoro swirled his finger around the sensitized nerves, before sliding a second finger in to brutally press down on it.

“AH-!” Sanji startled, hips shaking, bucking down against Zoro’s fingers.

“Good?” Zoro asked coyly.

“Ahhh...NG-haaa!” Sanji’s yelps and cries turned into loud moans as Zoro continued to torment his prostate. “Feels...w-weird…!”

Zoro began to spread Sanji’s puckered ring of muscle, a move that greatly pleased and annoyed the cook in his lap.

“Hyaa-!” Sanji arched forward this time, bare chest pressing into Zoro’s. “Ngh-...d-don’t...stop with that spot…”

“You like it here?” Zoro was almost breathless, completely caught up in Sanji’s every move. “Move your hips, show me you like it, cook.”

Sanji whine, glaring down at Zoro from where he was perched on the other’s lap. His ass throbbed, but he was already jerking his hips, despite himself. The tip of his cock wept, more and more precum flowing out every time Zoro jammed his fingers into that spot inside of him. How did Zoro even know about this sort of thing?!

Zoro licked his lips, glancing down to find Sanji’s cock very nicely starting to rub up and down his own with how the blond was moving his hips. Their cockheads kissed, before the head of Sanji’s swollen shaft began running up and down his own, making a complete mess of his pants. It was good that the cook was already naked.

With a grin, Zoro used the arm he had around Sanji’s back to lift him up higher, while he dipped his head down to start sucking at Sanji’s previously neglected nipple. Sanji’s moans broke into lip-bitten cries as Zoro’s fingers tortured him, while the swordsman’s mouth started sucking marks all along his torso. Sanji uttered a particularly embarrassing cry when Zoro’s teeth met the thin muscles over his ribs.

Zoro’s lips left red and even purple marks in their wake. In some places, like Sanji’s hip, right beneath his navel and all along his side, teeth marks were deep and obvious.

Zoro kissed the hickey near Sanji’s belly button, glancing up at the cook. Sanji had his head thrown back, completely lost in the feeling of having his ass pumped and prostate toyed with. Zoro licked his lips eagerly, removing his fingers.

“Haa-...?” Sanji’s head snapped back down, eyes hazy and filled with carnal desire.

Zoro took one of the cook’s hands, placing them on the bitemark he’d left on the other’s skin. Sanji was confused, but the smirk on Zoro’s face had him swallowing--both out of anticipation and a touch of fear. Zoro’s own hand remained there, next to his, right on Sanji’s lower abs above his crotch.

Slowly, Zoro moved to cup Sanji’s asscheek with his free hand, guiding the cook down over the head of his cock. Sanji’s visible eye slowly widened, he cook realizing what was happening. Zoro in turn, held the other’s gaze, serious and taking in every detail of the changes in Sanji’s face.

Sanji’s eyes screwed shut, feeling Zoro’s head push inside him with a loud pop. The sound was so lewd it had him raising his other hand to hide his face. Zoro merely grinned, amused by the cook’s reaction.

“Nn...nhhhaa...haa...aa…” Sanji was unable to keep his face obscured however, mouth falling open in a series of heavy moans when Zoro continued to push further inside of him. “OH-!”

Sanji shuddered when Zoro’s cock made deliberate contact with his prostate, sending a shock of pure, unfiltered pleasure through his entire system. He kept going, deeper and deeper inside, the thickness of his girth putting a continuous, intense pressure on Sanji’s prostate. Sanji’s legs trembled, unable to contain the shocks being sent through him.

Zoro’s hand moved over Sanji’s own, pressing the cook’s fingers into his lower abdomen. Sanji once again trained his gaze on Zoro, who waited until the cook’s attention was fully on him and what he was doing with his hand.

Then, Zoro slammed Sanji down on his own hips as hard as he dared without hurting the blond.

“GUH-!” Sanji almost choked on his own breath, jaw clenching together as he threw his head back, eyes rolling up into his lids.

From where Zoro was holding his hand, Sanji felt his abdomen bulge slightly, his stomach feeling full, too full; full enough to feel his insides stretch around Zoro’s cock. Zoro was inside him! Zoro was inside! He could feel Zoro filling him to the brim!

“Haa-...” Zoro himself was straining to stay composed, admiring Sanji’s shuddering, gasping form.

“Hck-...khah…” Sanji began to whimper and sob, his senses completely overloaded, yet not enough for him to reach that blissful peak. “Gh-hah...ack-...”

The cook had completely lost it. Zoro growled low in victory, slowly pulling out, just an inch, only to slide back inside. He did this a couple times, enjoying the sight of the cook’s stomach move under both their hands from his deep, slow thrusts. The cook was still in shock, allowing Zoro to enjoy every twitch and jerk of the other’s body.

“Haa-...ah..aa…” Sanji couldn’t even from words anymore.

The cook’s shaky hands finally found their way to Zoro’s shoulders, trying to find anything to hold onto to keep him from completely going mad--a thought, a feeling, anything.

Zoro took that as a sign to continue. He dug both fingers into Sanji’s firm, round asscheeks, lifting the cook up and off his dick, before pushing him back down, faster than the other would fall.

 

“NGHAH!” Sanji finally remembered how to breathe, gasping and panting hard--he felt his prostate burn with overstimulation. “ZO...RO...AH! ZO...RO!”

“Heh.” Zoro chuckled--the one thing Sanji remembered in such a daze was his name.

“ZORO!” Sanji screamed, usually powerful, firm legs going completely slack.

He allowed himself to be lifted up and dropped back down on Zoro’s cock, letting Zoro take complete control. He savored every upward thrust Zoro gave, in an effort to push even deeper than their position would allow. Sanji let his head roll back, screaming and moaning into the air as he let himself be fucked.

Zoro’s own composure was slipping. He had the cook, quite literally in his hands, being bounced up and down on his hips while his cock stretched him wide and deep. Sanji was enjoying every minute of being made to ride him, a fact made clear by the silly, lust-filled look he had on his face. Sanji was drooling, staring up at a ceiling he couldn’t see, crying out in a voice the cook himself couldn’t hear. Zoro turned him into this writhing, moaning mess that was happily being thrust into. Sanji had let Zoro turn him into this.

The thought alone made Zoro want to cum.

“Cook…!” Zoro warned, movements growing erratic. “I’m...close…”

Sanji didn’t seem to respond, completely lost in the movement. Zoro kept going, angling into the cook’s prostate every time he pushed him forcefully back down on his cock. The cook continued to wail, entire body shuddering, then trembling, then shaking.

“ZO...OH...ZO...RO!” Sanji gasped. “G-GON-NGH...W-WANT TO...CUM!”

Zoro finally tipped them over, pinning Sanji to the floor as he thrust directly into him. “Cum, then!”

He bent Sanji in half, thigh right up against the cook’s side, knee next to his face while his other long, slim leg stretched out straight on the floor. Sanji’s hands scrambled against the floor, pleasure building to a head. Zoro thrust into him at an almost violent pace, holding off on his own orgasm as much as he could.

“ZORO!” Sanji cried out in a hoarse, broken tone.

The blond’s cock twitched, white hot cum shooting out from the tip in a long, thick arch. Sanji’s semen splattered onto his own torso, managing to even get a few drops onto his chest. The cook gave one final series of shudders as he came, his voice completely worn out in a silent scream.

Zoro came soon after, thrusting in as deep as he could go, emptying his own seed into Sanji’s insides. He panted, barely able to keep himself from collapsing on top of the blond. His arms shook, keeping his own weight off the floor and the blond was suddenly a much more difficult task than he thought it would be. Zoro took a moment to catch his breath, eyes shut in the afterglow. His own heartbeat was deafening in his ears. He felt the cook underneath him jerk his hips as the last spurts of his cum painted the other’s insides. Then, those wonderfully long, lanky, lean legs went limp.

“Cook…” Zoro finally managed, voice hoarse as well. “Oi...cook…?”

No response.

Zoro’s head snapped up to look at Sanji. The cook had fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)
> 
> Thanks to everyone whose been here with me since the beginning! I hope you enjoyed this chapter thoroughly! Have a mergay mermay! <3 <3 <3
> 
> If you like my work and want to get FULL SIZE pictures of all my art, please check out patreon.com/mossybrows for FULL SIZE 300 dpi work, Lineart PNG and PSD for you to color, as well as full, all-working-layer PSDs! Tiers start at $2 and go up to $10~!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> <3 Mossybrows


	7. “Charming Cook”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are surprisingly--or maybe, not surprisingly, just the same as always. No, perhaps better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I'm posting this early because a lot of you thought that the last chapter was cut off abruptly. And while that is true, I didn't want you all to think that Sanji's been put in a bad spot. XDD
> 
> I got a couple people saying that they thought the chapter was flat because of the way Zoro and Sanji communicated with each other. However, I don’t think that’s how Zoro should behave.
> 
> One thing I do want to make clear is that I absolutely, 100% refuse to break Zoro's character by having him chit-chat too much. Zoro's character speaks in the way that he doesn't speak--in the subtle actions and few words he chooses to share. There is a lot of reading in between the lines with the softer side of his character.
> 
> I do not want to write a sappy-version of Zoro. I want to write Zoro, Roronoa Zoro from one Piece as if he was in a relationship (in this case, a budding one) with Sanji, even with the mermaid-factor thrown into the mix. This is a canon-compliant fic, not crack. Zoro will cry for his swords, his dream, Kuina and Luffy. But Zoro shows his respect for Sanji in the fact that to each other, when serious, they will stay as strong as they possibly can because that's how they support each other. It's the reason Zoro didn't go after Sanji and instead went to Wano like he was told.
> 
> There are many things the two don't need to say to each other. And that's because they already know.
> 
> As someone who writes fanfic for fun and to express how much I love these characters, I want to come to understand Zoro as a person--the way he is. I feel it is a detriment to his character and personally feel that it is disrespectful, to how he was so meticulously designed and depicted by Oda. I would be disrespecting by writing him as someone he isn't and making him bend to my will, instead of trying to depict him accurately in a situation I placed him in. Placing a character from someone else's work, in a new situation, shouldn't change that character, but shine a light on how they are as a character and the aspects of why I, and how others too, might love him so much. I hope that's clear, despite my terrible lack of experience haha!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the fic!

 

For the second time that day, Sanji woke up feeling extremely uncomfortable. A searing pain shot up his back, throbbing in waves, causing him to groan as soon as he opened his eyes. 

Chopper greeted him, wheeling around in his chair. “Sanji! You’re awake!”

“Chopper…?” Sanji groaned, the little reindeer’s hands suddenly on him as he tried to get up.

“Don’t move yet, Sanji.” Chopper cautioned. “You have muscle strain all around the lower half of your body.”

“Huh?” Sanji felt his skin break out in goosebumps.

Did Chopper know? Oh god. What state was he brought into the infirmary?! Did anyone else see? No...no, the marimo wouldn’t do that, would he? Shit. But he did pass out. Could the moronic swordsman really have brought him down in a panic when he fainted?

The sound of soft snoring came from the corner of the room, alerting Sanji to the presence of the dozing, green man.

“Ah, don’t worry. Zoro’s okay.” Chopper reassured innocently. “He brought you down as soon as you changed back.” But his expression grew stern. “You need to be careful not to fall asleep like that in the tub again. It’s not good for your body to have your legs positioned higher than your head while you’re asleep!”

“O-oh...yeah…” Sanji wanted to ask if Chopper noticed anything...else, but he wasn’t ready to do so. How was he even supposed to phrase such a question?

“How long was the last time you turned into a merman last for?” Chopper explained. “You might experience some difficulty walking for awhile, if you’re not used to losing your legs on a regular basis.”

“Oh...let’s see...I think it was for a week. The first four days, I wasn’t taking any medication for it.” Sanji said, trying to think back. “But after I started smoking it, I changed back after three days or less.”

“I see.” Chopper nodded. “You know, Sanji...I’m your doctor now…”

“Hm?” Sanji looked at Chopper.

The little furball was looking down on his lap, eyes glassy with tears. A small pout made his adorable little mouth even more adorable. In contrast to how fluffy and cuddly he was, the look on his face was serious and dire. Sanji paused for a moment, wondering what was wrong. What had he done? Oh shit--did Chopper really have to see him...after Zoro had…

“I...I’ll make a stronger medicine!” Chopper declared. “So you don’t have to keep asking your dad to send you those packets!”

To say Sanji was extremely surprised would be an understatement. He suddenly understood what Chopper had been thinking so hard on. Chopper was right there. He was their ship’s doctor and someone they trusted to treat them for anything and everything. Yet, Sanji had kept his medication a secret. The poor little guy must have wanted to say something like this since the first day Zoro had brought him up to the crowsnest.

“Okay.” Sanji smiled--apologizing would only make it sound like he didn’t trust Chopper. “I’ll leave it to you.”

The doctor’s face lit up, Sanji could’ve sworn he outshone the sun. “I’ll do my best!”

Sanji lay in bed for another hour, while Chopper got to work on a more potent form of the powder Zeff sent him. He thought about a few things; but his thoughts mostly revolved around what had transpired between Zoro and himself.

...had the marimo known?

“You not gonna go cook?” Zoro suddenly spoke up from the corner, eyes still closed--but his telltale snot bubble was missing. He was indeed, awake.

Chopper had gone into the other room to start experimenting on samples of Sanji’s medicine. It was just the two of them now. Knowing Zoro, Sanji concluded that the swordsman must’ve been awake for a bit longer than he realized.

“My legs feel like they’re boneless.” Sanji bit back. “Lecher.”

Zoro seemed to stiffen at the accusation--it was a very valid one to make. Instead of saying anything in reply, the swordsman got to his feet. His katana were left leaning against the wall of the infirmary as he made the short distance between the wall and the bed.

Sanji stared back at him, not saying anything. What was there to say? Just what had that exchange between them been? 

Zoro’s hand found its way to Sanji’s face, gently taking his chin. Sanji closed his eyes and felt Zoro’s lips on his own; he knew how they felt, how they tasted, now. He could never mistake those lips for anything or anyone else.

Then, Zoro left.

\---

Sanji was pleased--the medicine Chopper made was not only superior, but emphasized the taste of his cigarettes. He stood on the balcony above the galley, exhaling his stick of both death and medication into the air. If there was anything to be displeased about in contrasted to how happy he was with his new and improved cigarettes, it was Zoro. The damn swordsman had been avoiding him the entire day. 

“Stupid marimo.” Sanji grumbled.

His legs didn’t even feel that weird anymore. Sure, the first hour had been alarming, since he barely felt anything, but after that he felt the nerves in his legs slowly return to normal. The pain up his ass was now nothing more than a dull throb. Zoro had been careful, afterall.

This was him after all. Sure, maybe the average man would be whining and bedridden for a day, but he was was the number one first-class cook of the sea. He wasn’t going to let some stupid butthurt stop him from preparing meals damnit! He’d been out of commission too long as it was!

Was Zoro treating him nicely?

The clear clang, clang, clang, of the 3000 tonne barbells rang dully from the crowsnest above him. Sanji sighed--it’d been awhile since he’d heard them from this far away. He’d gotten used to having them in the background when he was reading or writing his recipes.

He missed that.

Shit. He missed being with Zoro.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” Sanji suddenly screamed, pumping his fists into the air. “I LIVE MY LIFE FOR THE LADIES!”

The clanging from above stopped and Zoro screamed down, just as loudly as Sanji did. “SHUT UP!”

“WHAT WAS THAT YOU STUPID SEEWEED HEAD?!” Sanji called upwards in response. “I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!”

“Be quiet!” Nami’s voice came from where she was lounging below, laid out on her beach-chair with a drink prepared by the cook himself.

“NAMI-SWAAAN!” Sanji shouted. “DO YOU LIKE YOUR SUNRISE MOCKTAIL?!”

“Yes, yes, I do.” Nami replied, waving him off. “I’m trying to read.”

“OKAAYYY!” Sanji said with enthusiasm; Nami-swan was always so beautiful!

Sanji skipped his way down to the galley. Ah, seeing Nami-swan and Robin-chawn always seemed to lift his spirits. Ladies really were wonderful creatures! So perfect! So beautiful! They always smelled nice and looked lovely! They always ate with such grace!

“Hmm...hmm...Sha lalalalala...!” Sanji sang as he cooked. “My oh my! Looks like the boy’s too shy! Ain’t gonna, kiss the girl!”

The cook spun around, practiced, expert hands cooking, finally back in his own element. He chopped and diced, sauteed and grilled and even stuck a celebratory roast in the oven. Poor Nami-swan must have had a hard time keeping their captain fed! It was his turn to make it up to her! A feast! A feast for everyone!

“Sha lalalalala! Aint that sad!” Sanji sang as he finished his dishes, laying them out on the table for a late lunch. “It’s such a shame, too bad! You’re gonna miss the girl!”

Zoro had kissed him, Sanji remembered suddenly. In fact, he’d done more than kiss him. Way more.

“GEH-!” Sanji reacted quickly as he dropped the last fork, reaching down and catching it before it hit the floor. “Phew...that would’ve been unacceptable.”

Shit. He wasn’t a girl! He was a cook! A manly--no, gentlemanly cook! He wasn’t going to be swept away by the damn marimo of all people! Stupid weed-man!

“Oi, you bastards, it’s time to eat!” Sanji yelled.

“Oh, a special occasion?” Robin spoke up as they all gathered.

Breakfast had been Nami’s last turn covering for Sanji, but the snack between then and lunch now had also been quite generous. Truthfully, they would have been fine with an even later lunch. It wasn’t even two.

“Hm?” Sanji hummed. “Of course! I’m celebrating the fact that I can serve my lovely ladies the way I was born to do, Robin-chwan!”

Robin giggled. The rest of the crew barged into the galley once the ladies had sat down. 

“Cola!” Franky demanded.

“Milk!” Brook cheered.

“Cotton candy!” Chopper asked.

“MEAT!” Luffy rejoiced, seeing the massive roasts piled on top of each other on his plate.

Usopp patted Sanji’s back as he took his place. “You’re feeling a lot better yeah? Nothing hurts?”

Sanji looked at him quizzically. “No, not in particular. Why?”

“You were screaming a lot this morning. I thought you’d gotten into another fight with Zoro-kun. Was it a nightmare?” Usopp questioned, but again, came up with his own tall-tale answer. “Don’t tell me...did you have a nightmare about being eaten by a seamonster?!”

“Yeah…” Sanji growled, eye twitching. “I was eaten by a monster, alright.”

“EEEH! So scary!” Brook chimed in.

Ah, he missed this. The banther, the yelling. Everyone was doing really well. Of course, Luffy had been complaining about net being fed enough by Nami while Sanji throwing his tantrum. Sanji kicked him good for that. Nobody should belittle the efforts of a lady.

“We’re missing one.” Sanji gave a tired sigh.

He knew exactly who wasn’t there.

Sanji grunted, feathers obviously ruffled. He went through all this trouble to cook for everyone. EVERYONE. That bastard had skipped the little snack he had prepared earlier as well! Well, Sanji wasn’t going to have it.

“I’ll be right back.” He announced, taking a cigarette out of his packet and putting it to his lips, making his way out the door.

He marched right down to the deck, peering up at the crowsnest. Somehow, he felt uneasy. Looking up at the place where he had been hiding for those three days as a merman on the ship, it was like there was something dangerous up there.

Zoro.

“Tch.” Sanji growled. “Like I’m scared of that bastard! As if!”

He pulled himself right up the rigging and poked his head through the hole in the crowsnest floor.

“OWAH?!” And then he was snatched up pulled forward by a powerful yank on his shirt.

Zoro yanked the cook up into the crowsnest the rest of the way, the blond’s legs flailing and kicking in a panic. Sanji’s jaw fell open and his cigarette fell out of his mouth, only to be caught by the swordsman. 

“Wha-...wha-...” Sanji stammered.

“If you come up here alone, you better be prepared.” Zoro warned, before kissing him.

Sanji let himself enjoy Zoro’s taste before pulling away, smashing a foot into the other’s face. Zoro let go, falling backwards onto his ass.

“You rotten eggplant!” Zoro barked, holding his face. “How dare you kick my nose?!”

“It’s a perverted nose.” Sanji declared, snatching the cigarette that flew out of Zoro’s hand, lighting it smoothly and taking a drag. “I kicked the blood back into it before you could have a nosebleed.”

“Don’t smoke in here.” Zoro grunted, getting up.

Sanji blew the smoke into Zoro’s face, making the swordsman shut his eyes and hold his breath. After which, the swordsman frowned, but didn’t make a move to do anything else.

“Hoho.” Sanji chuckled. “Feeling guilty?”

“Hungry.” Zoro corrected, eyeing Sanji up and down. “This morning wasn’t enough.”

Sanji swallowed, realizing the way Zoro was looking at him. He felt like he was completely naked all over again. Which, considering his fine, two-piece, double-breasted suit, was ridiculous. He wanted to laugh though--they were horrible at being honest with each other. Still...they didn't really need to say much. Sanji could read Zoro like a book just as much Zoro could him.

“Go down and eat then. I made lunch for a damn reason, idiot. The snack earlier too. Your own fault for missing out.” Sanji reprimanded.

They stood like that, facing each other wordlessly. Then, Zoro took a step forward. Reaching up, he took the cigarette from Sanji’s lips. Sanji let him. Their lips met briefly, Zoro holding back, resisting the urge to press onward.

Sanji met him halfway, shortening the distance between their bodies; pressing their lips harder against each other.

“Come eat.” Sanji whispered as he withdrew.

They made their way down together, joining the others in the noisy galley. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there's no additional art for this one yet! I'll be updating it with a doodle later (probably not colored though, I've got a day-job too LOL)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that it clarifies a lot of questions I was asked in the previous chapter! Don't worry about the boys, they're doing just fine!
> 
> If you like my work and want to get FULL SIZE pictures of all my art, please check out patreon.com/mossybrows for FULL SIZE 300 dpi work, Lineart PNG and PSD for you to color, as well as full, all-working-layer PSDs! Tiers start at $2 and go up to $10~!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> <3 Mossybrows


	8. “Here, There Be Monsters”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly it's not the seamonsters you should be worried about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long!! My 3-day assignment has become such a grueling task...I honestly don't think it's possible to finish this all in the span on one mermay, I'm really sorry.
> 
> I'll be continuing this, along with "Whirlpool" (sans art, it says so why in the other fic's notes) into June! Please bear with me! Let's finish this nicely!

 

There were a lot of things about this dysfunctional ship Sanji could forgive. There was many other things about this situation that Sanji could look over as well. In particular--his current, strange relationship development with a certain mossy-headed idiot swordsman. There was too much about the man that Sanji knew he accepted all too easily--he was going to chew him out when it came to the usual things however. But despite all the kicks he sent the back of the marimo’s head and the forehead-to-forehead bashing they often went at, he found nothing in particular to complain about when it came to the sudden change of pace in their dynamic. Hell, was there even a significant change? Not really-- if anything, with the way they behaved with each other, it was only a matter of time before they reached this point; fishtail or no fishtail.

Still, Sanji had to internally admit to himself that he forgave the swordsman for much more now than before. This gesture was definitely due to the fact that Zoro had reciprocated the odd, annoying, alarming twisting in his stomach Sanji felt every once in awhile that he got too good of a look at the swordsman. Not to mention the...reactions his lower half suffered through.

Yes. There were many things Sanji could forgive. Especially when it came to the ladies, followed by the rest of his nakama--idiot mosshead included. Between the stolen kisses and the secret whispers he and Zoro now shared more and more often when they could, Sanji somedays thought that he could forgive anything.

This was  _ not _ one of those things.

“No.”

“But it’s funny.”

Sanji gritted the cigarette between his teeth. “It’s NOT funny! I don’t need something like this!”

“You’re being childish.” Zoro pointed out.

“Ehhh, but Sanji…” Usopp interjected. “What if you know...I’m not saying it’s going to happen...but there’s that chance...not saying it’s a big chance, you know...if you...say...were to...for example change back into a merman…”

Sanji growled, head increasing exponentially in size as he growled at Usopp. “WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?!”

“Aaaah!” Usopp cowered fearfully, hiding behind Zoro. “I’m just saying! I’m sorry! But it was easier for you to move around when you didn’t have legs with that!”

They’d been discussing what to do with the moveable water-tub for the entire morning. After breakfast, Zoro had asked where the ‘mobile-kiddie-pool’ was and Sanji confessed that he kicked it out of the galley, all the way down to Franky’s workshop. Zoro had argued that it was best to keep it in the crowsnest, in case Sanji needed it again. Sanji of course, didn’t take to this very well.

“I feel nothing but humiliation when I see that thing!” Sanji yelled. “I don’t want to look at it!”

“But it’ll be a hassle to bring it out everytime you-” Usopp began.

“NGAH?!” Sanji snarled, baring his teeth at Usopp.

“I’M NOT SAYING YOU WILL!” Usopp immediately defended fearfully.

“Calm down. I said I’d take it with me up there.” Zoro suggested once more.

“No!” Sanji hissed. “Everytime I go up there to give you a snack, I’ll have to look at the damn thing! I like my body the way it is, with LEGS that can kick the shit out of your stupid mossy head!”

“What’d you call me, you perverted shitty cook?!” Zoro exploded.

And they were at it again. They bickered and argued until they reached the next line of season changes. The temperature went from mild to immediately hot once more, sending everyone indoors. Franky went out briefly that afternoon, to water the deck, lest the grass die. Aside from the cyborg, everyone--especially chopper, the poor furry fellow--was content with being indoors. Sanji was cheery the entire week--being a full man felt fantastic! No thumping his tail and dragging himself around, no drying out, no sticky slime all over his body and most importantly, no weird fish-dick!

That was the most relieving aspect of being normal again.

“Three pieces.” Sanji raised his leg and without even looking, struck Luffy with a downward kick right into the top of his head. 

“GWAAH!” Luffy found himself squished against the floor.

“You stole three pieces of meat while I was a fish!” Sanji declared.

Luffy whined. “But Nami’s cooking isn’t as nice as yours!”

“Don’t insult Nami-san’s efforts! A lady already went out of her way to feed you, don’t be an ungrateful bastard!”

Meanwhile upstairs, Zoro paused in the middle of is reps, hearing the hatch open from his left from where he was lifting. After seeing Sanji thump around with his tail, it made him have the urge to work his legs out a little. It was frightening to think about not being able to perform leaping attacks because he was unbalanced.

“What is it, Franky?” Zoro asked, putting his weights down.

“Awh!” Franky greeted. “Zoro-bro! I need some help cranking a few tough bolts in the workshop!”

“Got it.” Zoro nodded, snatching up his towel and wiping the sweat off his brow.

Leaving his shirt behind, he went ahead towards the rigging. The ruckus from the galley travelled in echoes all the way up to where they were.

“So rowdy in the morning.” Franky remarked with a chuckle.

Zoro snorted. “That damn curls is just grumpy because he was a fish for too long.”

Franky grinned. “You seem much more relaxed, Zoro-bro.”

“Hah?” Zoro grunted, looking at Franky with a scowl. 

“Yosh, right this way!” Franky dropped the subject, making his way back down the rigging.

Just as his feet landed, Zoro felt the ship sway suddenly, rocked by a gigantic wave that seemed to manifest from below. Everyone else tumbled as well. Chopper and Usopp screamed as they bounced around o the deck, trying to grab onto something to hold onto. Brook, luckily enough, had one of his ribs snag on the railing and was saved from being thrown completely overboard.

“Nami-swan! Robin-chwan!” Sanji had used the momentum as he tumbled through the air, transforming the momentum into a somersault and grabbing onto the mast’s rigging as he flew past it. 

“Kyaaaa!” Nami screamed, she was too far away from anything to grab onto.

“Oh!” Robin flew as well, her arms crossing over each other as she thought of how to carefully aim so as not to hit anyone with her fleur, but still catch herself and Nami.

Before Sanji attempted to let go of the rigging to save the two sill flying ladies, Luffy managed to wrap his legs around the mast, stretching his arms out to coil around both Nami and Robin, saving both of them. “Gotcha!”

“Nice, Luffy!” Sanji praised.

Zoro managed to react in time, his fingers catching on the railing right above Brook. “Oi, Brook! Give me your hand!”

“Yohohohohoho!” Brook laughed in terror. “It’s...it’s a sea-monster!”

Zoro’s eyes widened when he redirected his gaze to where he thought Brook’s picking, empty eye-sockets were directed. All he saw were scales, each one bigger than his head, glistening with moisture under the sun. He barely caught the texture of them, as the serpentine creature they belonged to continued it’s rise out of the water. It had attempted to strike at The Sunny from below, luckily having missed. Now it arched, it’s massive body rising up out of the sea, losing momentum, before sliding back into the water. This caused a series of waves in its wake, sending The Sunny kareening away from where it disappeared under the water.

Quickly, the crew tried to gather their bearings.

“Damn!” Zoro cursed, grabbing Brook and hoisting him back onto the deck.

Sanji was on his feet as well. “That thing’s going to be back!”

“Waaaaah! It tried to eat us!” Chopper wailed, crying in terror.

“No, no, no! I don’t want to be seamonster chow!” Usopp protested.

“Yoho! It looked angry, yoho!” Brook’s voice was shrill with fright. 

Robin spoke up thoughtfully. “Perhaps it is not hungry, but we are simply in its territory.”

“Yosh, I’m gonna fight it!” Luffy declared.

“It’s in the water!” Usopp protested. “No way, Luffy! We better run!”

“The engines are going to need some time to prime the cola for a getaway!” Franky informed with urgency. “I’ll get right on it!”

“How much time do you need?” Sanji asked, already tossing his cigarette and letting out one puff of smoke.

Zoro could already tell what the cook was thinking; the secured his katana on his side. “We’ll hold it off.”

“Okay, Zoro, Sanji, I leave it to you!” Luffy declared. “Franky, let’s go!” 

Their shipwright hurried to the lower sections of the ship where the engine was to prepare for a Coup de Burst. Meanwhile, Luffy got busy wrapping a rubbery arm around each member of the crew, stretching around them in coils like a snake, while he wrapped his other arm around the mast.

“Here it comes.” Zoro warned.

Once again, a massive force sent The Sunny hurdling along the raging waves. Thankfully, this time nobody went flying, all secured safely by their captain. Sanji held onto the railing and Zoro joined him there after the ship had steadied enough for him to move.

“You’re gonna have to change.” Zoro informed the blond.

Sanji grunted. “No kidding. You ready?”

Zoro grabbed Wado Ichimonji and Sanji drew his leg back, positioning himself behind the swordsman. The cook sent a powerful kick, aiming right for the marimo’s back, one that Zoro read and reacted to with a jump, landing on the blond’s leg. Sanji sent him flying, right for the seamonster’s face. Zoro drew his sword, the beast spotting him and attempting to eat him.

He met the monster’s fangs with his sword, quickly countering the monster’s momentum with a powerful slice. The bottom row of the beast’s jaws held up, but it’s head whipped back in pain.

“Yeah!” Luffy cheered.

“Go Zoro!” usopp joined his captain.

The sounds of his other nakama joining in the chorus made him smirk.

Zoro turned, the loss of his momentum sending him plummeting towards the sea below. He righted himself, putting Wado in his mouth and drawing his two other swords. It was best to finish this quickly. He fell, closer and closer, faster and faster towards the water--but he waited confidently.

“Oh dear, Zoro-san is falling!” Brook exclaimed.

Nami followed with an alarmed question. “Wait a minute, where did Sanji-kun go?”

Right on cue, Sanji burst out of the water, brilliant colors of blue and orange flashing brightly. The seamonster had recovered from zoro’s initial strike and spotted the flashing colors. It hissed both angrilly and hungrilly.

Zoro landed on the cook’s tail.

“Think I look delicious?” Sanji yelled up at the beast as he flew out of the water. “Eat this!”

The fish-cook performed a perfectly executed backflip as he caught Zoro, sending him back up towards the monster at tremendous speed. 

The swordsman was little more than a green blur, raising his two blades. “Tora-Gari!”

A loud metallic sound rang through the air and the monster roared. Swaying back and forth in a daze. It was thrown-off balance, Zoro realizing this was the chance.

“Cook!” the swordsman called down towards the water.

As he did, a startling, shining light came from the sea below him. It shone between The Sunny and the monster, amplified by the way light spread through the ocean. It was almost white-hot.

Moments later, Sanji burst from the water, fiery-colored tail now blazing with actual flames.  _ “Diable Queue!”  _

Zoro reached his hand towards the cook as he fell. They met mid-air, Sanji reaching forward to meet Zoro halfway and the swordsman grabbed his wrist. There was a moment there--not of hesitation, but of stillness, where they both locked gazes with each other. Then, Zoro hurled Sanji as hard as he could, adding speed to the cook’s already soaring ascent.

_ “ _ _ Poisson grillé! _ ” 

One last cry came from the beast, before it fell backwards into the sea. The accompanying splash sent The Sunny even farther away from it. Zoro cursed as he saw a large wave incoming, taking a deep breath and holding it as it swept him away before he could even plummet all the way down into the ocean.

He found himself tumbling through the water, momentum making him dizzy as the spinning seemed to go on and on. His body and brain was quickly using up all the oxygen he had in his lungs, trying to keep his thoughts straight. Zoro was on the brink of releasing the air in his lungs, when he felt a firm thump against his back.

The spinning his body went into came to an abrupt halt, but the impact against his back caused him to cough. Bubbles of air exploded from his nose and mouth. A clawed hand wrapped around his arm and pulled, turning him around just as he was about to choke.

Smooth, silky lips pressed against his own and his mouth was forced open. Zoro gasped, inhaling the air offered to him. He opened his eyes to find the cook staring back at him, bright, large blue eyes flashing beautifully, even in the diminished light in the blue ocean around them.

“Idiot.” Sanji spoke easily in the water, something that Zoro still found creepy--not impressive, definitely not impressive. 

Zoro wanted to protest, but he couldn't speak underwater. He settled for a seething scowl.

Sanji’s gills gaped open, covering more water into oxygen and air. Neither he nor Zoro quite understood it, but it wasn’t as if he cared much. Not when it was helpful in this sort of situation. Once more, the fish-cook kissed the swordsman, Zoro gratefully accepting the help. It was rare for Zoro to admit he needed an sort of help, something Sanji found himself getting giddy over.

Zoro held his breath, cheek puffing out like a hamster’s when the cook pulled away. Sanji looked up, watching the waves die down and spotting the body of the sea monster just a short distance away. It was still, floating in the water--dead.

“Looks like we’ll be having a nice roast for awhile.” Sanji chuckled, voice rippling through the water.

Zoro had to admit that sounded delicious, even if he didn't express so outwardly. He was busy keeping his breath in. He noticed the cook looking at him again and met his curious gaze with his own steely one.

Sanji had an enchanting, glazed look to his single visible eye and Zoro found it impossible to rip his gaze away. Silently, they leaned towards each other, Sanji sharing one more life-saving kiss; this time slow and sincere. A pale, flushed, scaly hand made its way up Zoro’s cheek and held his face there.

 

They continued to share breaths. Sanji’s gills gasped for water as he exhaled air into Zoro’s mouth. Zoro inhaled Sanji’s smokey, tobacco-touched breaths, literally living off of the air Sanji allowed him to breathe. Sanji caressed Zoro’s cheek, his other arm moving to wrap around the swordsman’s waist and hold him closely, dearly; he was that kind of sappy romantic. Zoro in turn accepted everything Sanji gave him, wordlessly committing himself to depending on the life-giving kisses Sanji provided. 

Oh. Sanji loved him back, Zoro realized; for the first time.

The monstrous desperation he had so stupidly unleashed on the blonde, who always kept in-step with him, always challenging, always accepting...it truly had been more than just allowed Zoro to have his way with him. For once, Zoro had begun to hope that was the case. It really could be possible.

The picture. The glances. The occasional fluster when they bickered. The reluctant yet gleeful acceptance of Zoro’s offer to help. The way the cook so easily forgave him for exposing his secret. The way Sanji had indicated it would be Zoro’s space that he would occupy while he was in his vulnerable, exposed state. Sanji had embraced him right back when Zoro had decided to hold him that fateful morning.

Sanji loved him; it was possible!

“Let’s go.” Sanji pulled away slowly. “Luffy’s probably hungry.”

Zoro gave him an annoyed look. Even now, they were in perfect tandem with each other, whether it be fighting, laughing or sex...they seemed to always be perfectly in-sync.

Sanji only chuckled and gave Zoro one more playful peck on the lips. It was then that the swordsman decided he would need to confirm his suspicions. If Sanji really loved him, then he wanted to know for sure--and if he didn’t...Zoro decided he would be the one to say it. After that...if Sanji rejected him and the reciprocation of Zoro’s intimate touches had been nothing more than a mutual satisfying of sexual needs…

...Zoro would have to kill the greedy monster growing inside of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I get an "AWWWHHH" for this? I know I was doing that the entire time I was drawing the last scene. Welp, the end of this fic is coming soon! You'll see I'm determined to finish it in 10 chapters, so let's keep going! Next chapter will be smut!
> 
> ...and also an utter mess because I suck at writing.


	9. “Fish-Dick Problems” (H)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanji can't change back. Zoro doesn't mind, because Sanji's ass is still Sanji's ass...even if he's a mermaid for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyyy everyone! Like I promised, I'll be posting the uncensored version of the cover art for this chapter (and the next one)!
> 
> Honestly, I know you all asked for mermaid dick, but I'm worried that you'll change your mind halfway through, so I'm slowly, SLOOOOWLY getting to the really weird mermaid smex. (It will NOT be in this fic, since I do want to finish this before mermay is over!)
> 
> If you really REALLY want mermaid dicking, you'll be able to get it once my short (maybe 3 chapters), spin-off fic from this goes up sometime next month! (ZoSan month, yeah!) Though, i dunno if I will tag it as ZoSan Month since it's leftovers from this month...? NEVERTHELESS. THERE. WILL. BE. MERMAID. DICK. IN. THE. SPINOFF. FIC.
> 
> It will be called "Orcarimo!" (and will be tagged #orcarimo, #orcarimo zoro, #orca-marimo on tumblr if you need to look for it there to get to my AO3) please look forward to it!

 

They didn’t work. The cigarettes didn’t work.

“ _WHYYYYYYYY_!?” Sanji howled, voice echoing the despair he felt across the entire ocean.

On port, people turned towards the ocean at the terrifying sound. Zoro stopped, halfway done with his large mug of grog.

“That moron.” He remarked.

Zoro had decided three days ago that he would confess--and he still hadn’t. After their intimate little life-saving make-out session underwater, fate had inexplicably had them encounter a freak typhoon. It was the Grand Line afterall, so things like this were expected...but getting tossed overboard with the cook right into the mouth of a swirling whirlpool of death--or dreams, as Robin explained--was a bit much.

They had spent the last three days missing, according to the rest of the crew. According to him, meeting a dream-alternate-older version of the cook who was niether cook nor mermaid and an alternate version of himself who was the fish was fate taking things too far. But, despite the strange adventure, real or not, they had returned. Sanji had managed to turn back into a human when Zoro had given him one of Chopper’s rumble balls in the dream--a rumble ball that of course, was missing when they returned, causing Zoro to stop questioning what was real and just accept whatever had happened, happened. However, when they returned,

“What is that?”

“How scary!”

“Sounds like a siren, doesn’t it?”

“A siren?”

“Sounds like a mermaid princess is crying.”

Zoro snorted. They weren’t too far off from that judgement--though, he was pretty sure the real mermaid princess (if they ever met her) wouldn’t be such a dramatic crybaby. _(A/N: totally wrong, Zoro, totally wrong...maybe. No wait, I do think Sanji might cry a little more.)_

So much for a day off. He had hoped that having Usopp and Chopper on the ship to help Sanji adjust back to normal life would’ve been enough. But something in his gut nagged at him. Following his instinct, he returned to the ship, finding Sanji, very much still a fish, very much still in his tub, very much still crying.

“Didn’t work?” Zoro assumed more than he asked.

“NO, IT DIDN’T WORK!” Sanji screeched back, “LOOK AT ME!”

“So, what do we do?” the swordsman asked, sitting in front of the tub.

They had propped Sanji up in the kitchen. Franky had properly constructed a trolley-like device to help move Sanji around. The little vehicle could also go high speeds--not that they would have any use for such a thing, at least, they didn’t think they would. But the feature Sanji most appreciated out of the trolley was it’s height-adjustment feature. The tub Sanji sat in could be lowered or lifted to any given height between a maximum height of two meters. He no longer had any problems reaching anything. To top it all off, the trolley was entirely water-proof.

“I don’t know.” Sanji whined, slumping back in his tub. “I thought I’d change back by now. I always do. Three days…”

“Maybe...the new medicine…” Zoro trailed off.

“No. I refuse to believe that.” Sanji stated. “Chopper’s medicine is stronger.”

Zoro nodded. This was Chopper’s medicine they were talking about. There was no way the little reindeer failed them. He was the doctor their captain had picked afterall. Either way neither of them were going to allow the doctor to see Sanji like this, lest the little guy get depressed.

Zoro and Sanji both turned their attentions to the galley door as Robin came in. She definitely heard the cook’s wailing.

“Cook-san.” She greeted, then spotted Zoro, “and Bushido-san too.”

“Robin-chwaaaan!” Sanji flailed, eyes turning into hearts as he splashed around with joy. “Are you hungry? I’ll prepare a mid-morning snack for you, my dear!”

Oddly enough, it was a relief to see the cook looking like such a moron, despite being a fish.

“Stop it, idiot. You’re getting the seawater everywhere.” Zoro reprimanded.

Sanji growled at him. “I don’t want to hear anything from you, seaweeed monster!”

Zoro got to his feet, “Hah?!”

“Perhaps there’s something we’re missing.” Robin interrupted with a smile.

“Ah?” Zoro asked, turning his attention to the devil-woman.

“What do you mean, Robin-chwan?” Sanji inquired politely.

“Oh, that story about a mermaid who wanted to marry a prince.” Robin elaborated casually. “If you don’t kiss a price, you might turn into seafoam.”

“R-robin-chwan...I-I’m more likely to be he prince--oh!” Sanji’s stutter lead to a thought.

Zoro braced himself for the incoming stupidity. “Oh no.”

“Robin-chwan! Will you kiss me?!” Sanji asked, tailfin wagging back and forth in excitement.

“I refuse.” Robin replied immediately. “Cook-san, don’t you think you’re turning more and more into a mermaid?”

“I-I’m a man, Robin-chwan…” Sanji tried to correct, albeit only half-heartedly--he could never argue with a woman. “But...I did notice a few things…”

Sanji held up his hands and Zoro was immediately alarmed to discover that there was a thin web between the cook’s fingers. That definitely was not there before.

“What is…” Zoro trailed off, already knowing what he was looking at. “Oi, oi, why’re you becoming more and more like a fish?”

“I don't’ know.” Sanji complained. “The medicine was supposed to work...maybe...maybe...maybe because I’ve changed more often?”

“Medicine?” Robin’s head tilted up with interest. “The new rumble-ball-like pills Reindeer-san created?”

After a few minutes, Sanji had walked through the entire story of how and why he was a fish. Zoro listened quietly, yawning and deciding to go into the corner and shut his eyes as he let Sanji tell the story to Robin. Not that he wasn’t interested; he just wasn’t being talked to. It would’ve been rude to look like he was listening in.

Robin looked contemplative for awhile, hand on her chin in the dainty, thoughtful manner she had. “I see. We’ll be docking on the next island. I feel like taking reindeer-kun with me.”

Sanji’s face lit up with relief. “Right, yes! You’re a genius Robin-chwan!”

Zoro watched as the two discussed the possible routes they could take to change the cook back to a human, now that she was in on protecting Chopper’s feelings. Soon, his gaze was fixated on nothing but Sanji’s face--his expressions changed as they spoke. His one visible brow went up and in that moment, his eyelid fully opened to reveal that his eyes were actually quite round instead of sharp. They had a wholesome, child-like sparkle in them. The way his hair framed his face hid most of it and made him look mysterious, but now, with hair hair damp, turning into waves rather than the straight texture it always was, Sanji looked different. His face was small, Zoro discovered, especially for a man. It was a gentle face, chiselled but looked smooth to touch, a strong jaw, too.

Zoro recalled how he and Sanji had bonded in that strange dreamworld and quickly shook his head with an annoyed growl. It was a dream, afterall, he couldn’t establish any real feelings form something that was fake. **(A/N: To know what happened during this time, please head over to  “Whirlpool” a crossover fic between me and charlienozaki!)**

**\--- SMUT WARNING**

Despite their efforts, Sanji didn’t returned to normal in days.

Sanji shivered in his tub--why was he tingling all over? Was this a side-effect from remaining in his fishy-form for too long? His stomach felt tight and he felt like he was going to be sick. Every rock and sway of the ship, every jostle he made to get himself more comfortable only made him more dizzy. Despite the horrible feeling of being on just the edge of throwing up, he’d have nothing but bile to show for it. It’d been a day and a half ago that he started feeling strange and at the time, he hadn’t felt hungry, so he had refused every morsel of food Zoro had brought up since then.

 

He’d taken to preparing ingredients just fine at first as well, but after lunch yesterday, he felt something...different, when he spied Zoro bringing up the ingredients. For a moment, he was hungry, the next, he was angry--disgusted even, at the onions, garlic, fresh beef, chives and everything else Zoro had brought up. For the first time in his life, he refused to prepare ingredients to cook. Something had been wrong with him.

 

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t been speaking to Zoro...or anyone else for that matter, ever since he requested to be taken up to the crowsnest for some privacy until he felt better. He was hoping that he just needed to get away from everything for a while--ever since they had all discovered he wasn’t turning back into a human, he’d always had someone with him just to make sure he didn’t dry out or fall out of his tub.

 

Sadly as time went on, instead of feeling better and more like himself, he’d felt worse. He lashed out everytime Zoro had come upstairs to bring him food that sweet, sweet, Nami-swan had prepared as per the instructions in his recipe book. When the swordsman came up to train in the middle of the shipwatch last night, Sanji had watched him from the tub, completely submerged in the water, leaving only the top of his head, enough for his eyes to gaze at the man. He’d been irritated, doing very little other than hiding in his tub, hissing or splashing around in the water.

 

Sanji was contemplating what he should do next, when just like clockwork, Zoro came up for his early morning routine of lifting. The cook immediately went under the water, grateful that Franky had made a larger tub, just for him, especially when Usopp and Luffy suggested they put him in the aquarium with the other fish. He hadn’t been too fond of that idea. The ocean was a large place, therefore it was cleaner than an aquarium full of fish shit and piss. Now that he was a merman, he could smell it all the way from the deck, too!

 

“Oi, fish-cook.” Zoro spoke up as he made the last leg of the rigging leading up to the crowsnest.

 

Sanji was already underwater, swimming around in circles and pointedly ignoring the swordsman. Zoro frowned, rolling his eyes. If the cook didn’t eat soon, he was going to get sicker than he was already feeling, as far as the swordsman was concerned.

 

But, it wasn’t Zoro’s job to babysit an overgrown fish, so he went right ahead and started stripping on his way to the corner where he kept his weights.

 

The minute the first mate was shirtless, he could feel a shift in the cook’s energy. Without glancing over his shoulder, he could hear a small splash from behind him, concluding that the curly-fish’s head had come up so he could watch him.

 

Everyone knew there was something wrong with the cook, but only Zoro knew the strange way Sanji had been blatantly ignoring him, then voyeuristically watching every move he made while he pretended to be under the water. It didn’t help that with the new tub being so large, the distance between them was even less than when they’d started hiding Sanji up in the crowsnest in the first place.

 

Zoro sighed--if the cook wasn’t going to come out and say what he wanted to say, then he wasn't’ going to push the matter. It’d been hell trying to keep the fish-thing a secret from the others when it first happened, almost a week ago, now.

 

 _‘One...two...three…’_ he started counting in his head.

 

Still, even if it had it’s hassle and panic-filled moments, it had been fun. Also, it wasn’t as if the entire crew hadn’t been through worse than just hassles. Compared to the near-death experiences their captain always brought down upon his shoulders, this was a walk in the park accompanied by a picnic finish.

 

_‘One-hundred and one...one-hundred and two...one-hundred and three…”_

 

Come to think of it, Sanji was getting along just fine in his merman form. Robin had brought up that possibility that maybe this was permanent since he’d gone without his medicine for too long. That...was Zoro’s fault.

 

“Shit.” Zoro spat as he lost count.

 

Zoro set the heavy three-thousand-tonne weight down with a loud CLACK that echoed in the small room. He heaved a sigh and just barely refrained from groaning as he threw his head back in annoyance. This entire thing was his fault. He couldn’t just ignore the state Sanji was in now. Rolling his eyes, Zoro put his shirt back on and finally turned around to try and catch the cook staring at him.

 

“Oi, you-...” Zoro paused when he saw the state Sanji was in.

 

The first thing he noticed were Sanji’s eyes. His pupils had been blown wide, too wide, barely any blue was visible in the deep black that stared back at him through the massive, enchanting orbs. Enchanting? Was that the right word?

 

The next thing Zoro noticed was the way Sanji’s ears were closed, the webbing that made up their form flapped closed like furled sails, making them almost unnoticeable. If Zoro hadn’t known Sanji had any, he wouldn’t have even seen them at all, the way Sanji had the fins pressed back into his blonde locks.

 

The third thing Zoro noticed were the way Sanji’s lips parted, showing just a bit of fang to show he meant business. Despite that, what anyone else would’ve noticed was the way they were tinted pink and slightly puffy. What he and anyone else would have noticed was the way Sanji let his slick, cherry-colored tongue dart out and swipe across those pink, puffy, thin lips on his small, charming face. Said face had been hidden from view just a moment ago, Zoro knew. Sanji had definitely been watching him as he had the day before, but now, that charming face had risen up out of the water, along with the rest of the merman.

 

It was Zoro’s turn to watch, completely transfixed by those large, hungry eyes and pink lips, accentuated by the golden blond silk-like hair that framed the charming face. He watched as Sanji rose up and out of his tub, sliding out of the water and over the wooden rim, hands creeping onto the floor. Soon the tail joined the mer-cook’s upper, human half, slithering out, almost in a serpent-like fashion onto the floor with a wet splat-thud. Sanji crawled forward with his hands, the movement in his shoulders turning into the sway of his hips, which travelled down to the slithering movements of his tail.

 

Sanji crawled towards him, starving eyes locked on Zoro’s own.

 

The swordsman didn’t notice when the mercook had gotten close enough to reach up towards his face. The swordsman hadn’t noticed when he himself had slowly let his knees buckle, lowering himself onto the floor enough for Sanji to push him down the rest of the way, a wet, slimey hand pushing down on the middle of his chest. What he did realize was that his throat was dry. Why was it so dry? Oh, right, he’d been working out.  He swallowed, trying to wet his throat as Sanji’s face came closer, lips parting to show gritted, ready fangs.

 

Wait a minute, if he’d been working out, why was he on the floor? Why was Sanji out of his tub? The idiot was going to dry out.

 

Zoro blinked, gasping through his nose as he snapped out of his trance. Sanji’s pupils immediately constricted, sharpening into angry vertical slits. He hissed, lurching forward in a pounce, right for Zoro’s neck.

 

“OI!” Zoro barked, back-handing the blond.

 

Sanji’s fangs sunk into his forearm, stopping the counter. “RRRRHHH!” He growled, tail flailing about angrily.

 

Zoro could feel the cook’s attempt to try and pin him down using the mass and weight of his tail. Despite being able to more than just lift the amount of weight the other weighed, his center of balance was completely thrown off. It didn’t help that Sanji was tugging and pulling at his arm, which was now bleeding very badly.

 

“Cook!” Zoro snapped, “Wake up! Oi! You’re trying to eat me, you idiot!”

 

Sanji hissed--but there was something in the enraged sound--something desperate. Almost pleading. Was that a whimper at the end?

Zoro growled back, lifting a leg to lock it around Sanji’s tail and restrain him from thrashing around so much. This only seemed to annoy the fish-cook on top of him. However, Sanji suddenly let go of Zoro’s forearm, now violently wriggling, pushing both hands against Zoro’s chest. Was he trying to get away now?

 

“Calm down!” Zoro demanded, free arm going around Sanji’s waist.

 

Sanji finally seemed to be coming back to his senses. “N-..no..let go! Lh-hhet go, Mha-mhaarimoh! Lhet gho!” He demanded right back, fangs making his words come out strangely. “Lheeeet GHO!”

 

Zoro was losing his grip--Sanji’s body was just too slippery to hold onto very well. He could feel the tail that was locked under his leg starting to wriggle out of his hold. Shit. If he let go, he didn’t know what Sanji would do while he was panicked like this. The exit to the crowsnest ws right there. With the way Sanji was clawing his way towards it, Zoro could assume he wasn’t going to go hide in his tub as usual. Idiot! He would fall right to the deck!

 

“Stop moving!” Zoro snarled. “You want to fall and break your neck, you stupid fish?! You don’t have any legs to catch yourself with!”

 

That statement had Sanji suddenly stop flailing. Deep, sapphire, guilt-stricken eyes snapped up to look at him. The pink, puffy lips which had been trying to entice him were now pressed together in a remorseful quiver. Sanji trembled, grimacing and firmly pushing down on Zoro’s chest.

 

“Lhhet gho.” He said firmly.

 

“You’re still talking like a fish.” Zoro replied flatly. “You’re going to do something stupid.”

 

Sanji still hadn’t stopped trembling, but he did look down, casting his gaze away from Zoro. “Idjhott, lehggo…” He said, voice shaky. “Ith hurthshh…”

 

Zoro blinked. “Huh?”

 

It _hurts_ ? _What_ hurt? Zoro looked the cook up and down--with his whole body trembling like that, the pain could've been from anywhere. But there was something off about the way Sanji’s hips were trying their best to keep still despite all the shaking the rest of him was doing.

 

Oh!

 

...oh.

 

Fresh images of the long, thick, wet, pink shaft that Zoro had miraculously, somehow managed to forget resurfaced with the full brunt of their effects. Zoro’s eyes widened and his jaw fell open. Sanji’s head snapped up to snarl angrily.

“Legghoready!” He hissed, the end of his sentence turning into a whine.

 

Zoro’s shoulders stiffened. “Don’t tell me, you’re--!?”

 

Zoro being Zoro, before either of them realized, the moss-head’s hand had moved impulsively. Sanji uttered an angry hiss-cry when a rough, calloused palm and fingers pressed against the tightly closed slit where his hips plunged from human to fish-tail.

 

“Waa-!” Sanji almost screamed, when Zoro started groping around the area.

 

Zoro sighed in relief. “Oh, it’s not out.”

 

 _Slap_!

 

The last thing Zoro saw after the stinging pain was Sanji slithering away, clambering up and over the rim of his tub into the water. He blinked several times, hand that had been groping around Sanji’s body now rising up to touch his slime-covered, red, slapped face.

 

The silence that followed after that moment was enough to send Zoro down for an early shower, never finishing his workout. Once again, like the first time a fish-dick related incident had occurred, the two avoided each other like the plague. However, once again, Zoro being Zoro--the same man who needed to crank out his impulse to train either via sparring with Sanji or lifting weights, found himself constantly glancing up at the crowsnest, feeling the urge to do one or the other. Unfortunately, both sources of relief for his need to have a bout, either bare-handed or sword-handed, were up in the one place he was currently trying to avoid.

 

Zoro gave in by the time dinner rolled around--partially out of responsibility as the first mate, partially out of responsibility as the guy who deprived the cook of his medicinal smokes and put them both in this awkward situation in the first place. He was ready to block another slap-attack from the powerful fish-tail, when he heard the noise.

 

It was faint, barely making it out of the hole that served as the entrance and exit to the crowsnest. But he knew he heard it--the cook was...crying? Zoro poked his head up into the room curiously.

 

Sanji flailed about, biting his lip. His body was bent over the side of the tub, tip of his tail barely in the water His hands were...down there. He hissed, fingers shaking as he felt the scales around the area, which shifted and morphed under the pressure of his fingers. The flesh of his slit had gotten softer and if Zoro’s eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, it was definitely a lot slimier there than usual.

 

...maybe this wasn’t a good time, Zoro decided.

 

“Zo…” Sanji gasped.

 

Zoro froze, mind half made-up to just hopping back down the rigging and forgetting what he just saw.

 

“...Zo...ro-oh…” Sanji sighed, breath hitching. He whimpered, “N-no...it’s not coming out...why…”

 

Sanji poked and prodded at the slit where his legs would have met if he had any, but the orifice stayed firmly shut. He could feel his penis inside, twitching and oozing with precum, but for some reason, it wouldn’t pop out, no matter how hard he tried. How did this happen?

 

“Ugh...it hurts...why don’t it come out…?” Sanji whined. “C’mon...damnit, come out! I want to jerk off..!”

 

Sanji wanted to slap himself. This happened because he was staring at the stupid muscle-buddha working out! His stomach growled; he was hungry and horny, just thinking about those huge biceps, hard under the strain of exertion. That stupid, chiselled, sweet-smelling damn idiot!

 

This was punishment for watching the dumb marimo pump his weights, all sweaty and panting and--

 

“Guh-!” Sanji gasped in pain as the cock trapped inside his body twitched violently, causing the tightness in his gut to worsen.

 

...shit.

  


Sanji slithered the rest of the way out of the tub. “Maybe...maybe if I go to the ocean…”

 

“And what, swim away?” Zoro finally spoke up.

 

“Yaaaa-!” Sanji yelped as he flung himself forward with his tail, scuffling towards the tub in a panic.

 

Zoro lunged forward, grabbing the very end of Sanji’s tail where limb met fin. “Oi!”

 

Sanji dug his claws into the floor, hissing and trying to yank himself free. “What are you doing?! Mind your own business!”

 

Zoro strained--Sanji’s tail was as strong as both his deadly legs combined. “I am minding my own business, idiot!”

 

“Then let go of me!” Sanji demanded, turning around to bare his fangs at Zoro.

 

“You said my name!” Zoro retaliated.

 

“Geh-...” Sanji’s skin suddenly ran with chills, his peach flesh turning a light blue color as scales erupted from his face down to his neck, shoulders and finally the rest of his human half in a colorful wave that was gone as soon as it had come.

 

Zoro blinked in surprise. Was that...was that supposed to be the mermaid equivalent of a shudder?

 

“...I-I...didn…” Sanji began to try and defend.

 

Zoro cut him off. “I heard you. Maa, at least you sound more like the idiot cook than some fanged fish.”

 

Sanji this time flushed the way a human would, by turning pink. The color flushed his shoulders, turning the pale, pasty-color a brilliant hue. It decorated the pale scales on his face, making him look more human than he had in days. It even tinted the very tip of his pink little nose. He stared at the floor, ears wiggling timidly. Zoro grimaced--it was strange, seeing the cook look so timid and deflated. He’d never had Sanji unintentionally show this side of himself, not to the swordsman anyway. Zoro couldn’t speak for everyone else on the ship.

 

Zoro let go of Sanji’s tail, seeing as all desire to flee was now gone. He reached into his haramaki, causing Sanji to flinch and try to back away.

 

“Calm down.” Zoro grunted, pulling the small, folded photo-paper out of his haramaki. “I found this.”

 

He presented the paper to the mercook, who took it with a horrified expression. Zoro knew that Sanji knew precisely what the paper was, even without unfolding it to reveal it’s contents.

 

“...is that supposed to be a joke?” Zoro suggested, trying to give Sanji an out or maybe, ease the tension. “Look, cook...it’s not funny and I’m not laughing, want me to kick your fishy ass?”

 

His attempt to goad Sanji seemed to work. It irritated the cook alright, but Zoro wasn’t expecting the blond to start tearing up the photograph in his hands. Zoro tried to stop him, grabbing the other’s wrists--fortunately, Zoro’s upper-body strength was a match for Sanji’s tail, which meant stopping the other’s arms was more than just easy.

 

“You bastard!” Sanji snarled. “You think this is funny?! I’m miserable and I’m hungry and--!”

 

Zoro let go to reach down and pat what they both figured by now was Sanji’s crotch. Sanji yowled, grabbing Zoro’s shoulder, claws piercing skin and hard muscle.

 

“Tch-!” Zoro winced, but he’d felt worse pain. “You’re miserable because you can’t get off? Are you even human anymore?”

 

Sanji gritted his fangs together, hissing through his clenched jaw. “Asshole...wh-what’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Mermaids lie.” Zoro stated flatly, dragging his fingers along the tightly closed, but soft and swollen penis-slit. “The cook I know is always stupidly yelling about everything he feels.”

 

Sanji gasped, gills on his neck flaring. “Ah-! Marimo, not so-...hurts…!”

 

“Which one are you, the cook, or a fish?” Zoro asked.

 

The question was Zoro’s only warning, before he forced two of his fingers into the slimey, tight hole in Sanji’s front. Sanji cried out, lurching forward and sinking his fangs into Zoro’s shoulder. He could feel Zoro’s fingers inside that strange, foreign place, inside, but in a way he wasn't familiar with. It felt too much like Zoro’s fingers crawling up the inside of his asscheek, if he’d had his legs instead of his tail. Though it was very much in front of his person, the slit tingled like the space between his ass and balls, the sensitive patch of skin must have been relocated when he’d transformed.

 

Zoro curled and twisted his fingers, feeling around inside. “If it won’t come out, just make it, damnit...aren’t you usually more stubborn?” It felt hot, velvety, tight and slick.

 

Sanji began to writhe, hips twitching, snapping forward to take Zoro’s prodding fingers in further. “Haa-...it...Zoro...s-snotw-...working…!”

 

Zoro shifted their positions, sitting back and pulling Sanji into his lap. Sanji arched, panting hard, tail slapping against the floor as he was fingered deeper. Zoro concentrated on the slit in front of him, sliding his fingers up and down its length. He felt a tender but firm, long bulge all along the inside of the slit. Finally, he reached the very bottom of the small opening, the pressure around his fingers increase.

 

“Ah.” Zoro’s finger slipped in further, meeting resistance. “Here?”

 

It felt like it was as deep as he could go in, but curling his finger, he felt a give and Sanji cried out, voice pitching higher by at least three octaves.

 

“HYAA--gh-!” The rate at which Sanji’s tail was slapping the floor increased in both speed and volume.

 

Focused on what he was doing, Zoro tried his best to ignore the writhing man in his lap, crying out and jerking up to fuck himself on his fingers. Was this even the right hole for that?

 

“NGH-! AAH!” Sanji screwed his eyes shut, arching back until his head almost touched the floor. He continued to buck up into Zoro’s fingers over and over again. “Zoro...Zoro…! M-Mor...More...just a bit more…!”

 

Zoro tried to curl his fingers in more, but found the cook’s insides to be strangely difficult to navigate. “Oi...you...you haven’t really turned into a mermaid, have you?”

 

Sanji hissed. “I take that to offense! I have a dick, I do! It’s in there, s-somewhere…! You should know that!”

 

“Maybe you need to get hornie--OW?!” Zoro’s vision blurred as Sanji bonked the top of his head with his fist.

 

“You lecherous marimo!” the cook screamed at him, voice getting so high he sounded like a siren. “Just because I let you be greedy last time doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a lady! Don’t insult ladies like that! What kind of lady would fall for a stupid, direction-challenged, sword-biting moron anyway?!”

 

Zoro rubbed the top of his head with a frown as the cook ranted. He sighed, watching Sanji go on his little tirade, letting the steam blow out of his fin-like ears. Yup. This was the cook, alright. Zoro had no idea why he doubted it in the first place. There was no way anyone else could rant so much about nothing, especially while being half a fish.

 

“Oi.” Zoro stopped Sanji in the middle of his outburst with a quick curl of his finger.

 

Sanji shrieked a “YEEK!” at the intrusion he had momentarily forgotten. “YAA-...aaah...Z-Zoro…”

 

Hoh. Wow. The cook was a lot better-looking when he was being honest. Zoro decided he liked that trembling, teary-eyed, panting open-mouthed look, that oozed desire. Shit.

 

He was hard.

 

Fuck.

 

Zoro moved away, beginning to push Sanji off his lap. As soon as he felt those calloused fingers try to leave his inner parts, however, the cook had other plans. He reacted almost instantly, latching onto Zoro’s shoulders with his hands, this time without the use of his claws. Zoro paused, watching the cook’s expression. Sanji’s eyes on were on the bloody patches in Zoro’s shirt, caused by his own claws. The cook’s face went from curious to twisted with hurt.

 

“Roro…” Sanji’s words slurred; he began bucking his hips forward into Zoro’s fingers. “Haa...r-rooaah...roro…”

 

Zoro froze, unable to continue his attempt to get away. “Shit, what is this, mermaid charm?!”

 

Zoro’s gut tightened and he was suddenly very much aware of his own hard cock in the uncomfortable tightness in his pants. But when he tried to protest, he found no words to say. One of the cook’s hands let go of his shoulder to hold his hand in place, jerking himself off with the swordsman’s fingers. Zoro couldn’t find it in himself to stop him. Zoro couldn’t even find it in himself to move.

 

Sanji however, continued to hum as his face came closer. “Zoro…”

 

Zoro’s eye twitched and he grabbed Sanji’s nose with his free hand, squeezing it between his thumb and forefinger. Sanji yelped, hands going around Zoro’s wrist in an attempt to get the man to get go of his nose.

 

“Wake up!” Zoro scolded, letting go and completely withdrawing from Sanji.

 

Sanji whimpered, rubbing his nose lightly. “Ow! That was mean!” He whimpered at the loss of the feeling of Zoro’s fingers inside him.

 

“Are you awake yet?” Zoro huffed. “You damn fish.”

 

Sanji’s tail slapped the floor angrily. “You…”

 

“Are you planning to try and eat me again?” Zoro raised an offended brow. “Trying to use your mermaid charm on me and then eat me? Good luck. It ain’t gonna work. I’m not some noob.”

 

Sanji hissed, his slit dripping with copious amounts of clear precum. “I want to cum, Zoro!”

 

Zoro’s jaw dropped, stunned to silence with the cook’s blatantly lewd statement. It made his own cock throb, remembering how he had behaved so rashly when Sanji had first changed back into a human. Shit. Not now…

 

“Gh-!” Zoro was horrified when he noticed where Sanji was looking--right between his legs. “Oi, you...don’t be so-”

 

“Zoro…” Sanji began, looking up to meet the swordsman’s eyes. “Can I...see…?”

 

Zoro snorted through his nose, composure impressive, considering the situation. Considering the horrible discomfort his own crotch was going through.

 

“It’s nothing.” Zoro reassured, moving to continue pushing Sanji off of him. “Don’t be so greedy.”

 

Sanji raised his voice. “Let me see.” He wrapped his tail around Zoro, curling around the swordsman’s waist in a warning gesture. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

 

“I said it’s fine.” Zoro repeated, adding a snarl to his words.

 

Sanji lifted his hips, nudging them back down onto Zoro’s lap. The swordsman flinched, clenching his jaw tightly together. His eyes had never left Sanji’s but now his gaze had intensified into a glare.

 

“What?” He growled.

 

Sanji didn’t hesitate. “You’re hard, you bastard.”

 

“You’re talking like a fish, again.” Zoro defended by being on the offensive. “Go get your head cleared out before you st-WOAH!”

 

Sanji’s hand, damp with slime, pressed into Zoro’s pants. The fabric was very quickly getting soaked through, the wet, slickness already worsening the tightness that restricted Zoro’s hard-on.

 

Sanji purred again. “What do you want, Zoro?”

 

The moss-haired man felt a wave of relief when Sanji removed his hand--only to return to a full-blown panic when the mercook pounced on him suddenly. Sanji pushed Zoro down, hands on his shoulders and the weight of his tail easily slithering between the swordsman’s legs. Sanji mewled in satisfaction, rubbing his genital slit against Zoro’s crotch.

 

“Gh-...you…!” Zoro stifled a groan, biting into his lower lip.

 

“Zoro…” Sanji whispered tenderly. “It feels good when you touch inside…”

 

Zoro’s throat was suddenly dry. “C-cook…”

 

“I want to cum.” Sanji demanded, leering down at the swordsman pressed under the weight of his marine form.

 

Zoro found his hand slowly making their way around the bend of tail where Sanji’s ass would’ve been. It was a shame really--the cook had a very squeezable ass.

 

“You get it, Zoro?” Sanji ordered more than asked.

 

Zoro inhaled through his gritted teeth sharply. “Damn.”

 

Sanji grinned with glee, pushing the waistband of Zoro’s pants down, while hiking his haramaki up. “Tch, why do you need to wear such a troublesome thing?” He whined.

 

Zoro’s cock sprung free, just as wet with anticipation, though he was nowhere near as wet as Sanji was. “Fuck…”

 

Sanji purred amorously, rubbing his cock-slit against Zoro’s shaft. “Zoro…”

 

Zoro nudged back, relishing the feeling of the swollen folds against him. “Cook, this’ll hurt.”

 

“Zoro…” Sanji cooed, completely disregarding Zoro’s cautioning. “Zoro...inside…”

 

“Tch. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Zoro grunted, pushing Saji’s hips forward.

 

At first, his dick wouldn’t go in, head pushing desparately against Sanji’s cockslit. Sanji crooned, pushing down on Zoro’s erection eagerly, pressure only making the stinging, throbbing, carnal pain in his groin intensify. With a squish, Zoro entered, forcing the folds open just as his fingers did.

 

Zoro entered the tight pocket where Sanji’s dick was holed up, making it even tighter of a fit. “GH-shit...tight...fucking...hell…”

 

Sanji wailed, arching back almost in a complete crescent, tail lifting up in a mighty shiver. “HAA-!”

 

Zoro found his cock getting squeezed hard, but the slickness of Sanji’s overflowing precum kept it from being too painful. “Shit...cook…”

 

Sanji gasped, coming back down to bite down on Zoro’s collar, clawing at his shirt in feral desire. Need driving him, Sanji lifted his hips, slamming back down on Zoro’s cock, forcing it deeper, sliding underneathe his own trapped dick. The friction on his sharp cockhead had him gowling, eyes turning wild.

 

“Zoro wrapped his arm around Sanji’s neck, pulling him close enough to keep the cook’s fangs from tearing his flesh apart. “Khh-...cook…! Don’t you dare eat me…!”

 

Sanji continued to yip and yowl, bouncing his hips against Zoro’s. They could both feel their cockheads quickly and roughly thrusting against each other, the lips of Sanji’s slit only intensifying the friction. Zoro knew he couldn’t last, not with slick, wet, hot pressure coming down on him from all sides.

 

“Zoro…!” Sanji begged, lapping up the blood he drew from his fang-marks in Zoro’s skin. “Please...it hurts…!”

 

Inside the slit, Sanji’s cock undulated against Zoro’s, dexterous tip flicking against the swordsman’s cockhead. The blond relished the feeling, finally feeling his dick slowly start to come free from it’s confined with all the movement. Zoro thrust harder, but was losing control very quickly.

 

“Shit...c-cook...I can’t…” Zoro keened--finding his own voice embarrassing to listen to. “I’m gonna…”

 

Sanji hissed, sinking his jaws into Zoro once more. Zoro bellowed a frustrated roar of surprise, when he felt Sanji’s slick, thin cockhead dip into the tip of his dick. Zoro jerked his hips reflexively, the additional stimulus causing him to climax. Sanji’s dick pulsated against Zoro’s, which twitched as the swordsman came.

 

A wet, loud pop caught them both off guard as Sanji’s long, slick penis, coated in both his own pre-cum and Zoro’s semen, finally sprung free from the confines of his urogenital slit. The phallus was large, completely stretching the orifice it had come out from. Zoro’s dick was forced out of the hole he’d been prodding by the sheer girth of Sanji’s penis. Sanji’s cock throbbed, twitching violently. In contrast, Sanji seemed to relax, all the tension in his body receding now that his dick was free.

 

“Damn...what a troublesome curse…” Zoro groaned in exasperation, face still flushed from his orgasm.

 

The swordsman didn’t know why he’d decided to perform such an obscene act. He was speechless, stomach churning at the sight of Sanji’s penis dripping--no, more like flowing-- a steady stream of what he safely assumed was precum. Along the slimy web of clear liquid were bits of white semen, which belonged to him. He lowered his dripping hand, deciding to take a breather. Zoro had cum from fucking a place meant to protect Sanji’s damn dick. God. Everything was so wrong.

 

“Oi.” Zoro spoke again, when Sanji didn’t reply. “Cook, you gone mute or something?”

 

His eyes wandered up Sanji’s body, abdomen and chest heaving as the cook panted just as hard as he did. Zoro stopped breathing when his gaze met a large, pupil-blown eye, completely locked on him. The sound of his throat swallowing dryly was loud in the suddenly too-small crowsnest. Sanji was still hard and horny.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be continued smut! You have been warned.
> 
> MORE FISH DICK.
> 
> I did a lot of reading into dolphin’s urogenital slits for this. My GOD I was sitting there in front of the computer staring at dolphin dicks and vaginas when I screamed “HOW DID I GET TO THIS POINT IN MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?” But eh...I mean...I’ve never written anything about mermaid-merman-porn. But really, it’s an interesting topic. I’ve been wanting to try and write it ever since I accidentally stumbled upon some Free! Yaoi where Makoto was a merman. So there. I tried my best. 
> 
> ...hopefully you’re not too grossed out?
> 
> Ahaha, next time we’ll be having something a little more lewd. Oh no. Please don’t abandon this story just because I’m a huge pervert! I promise there’s a lot of fluff and sweet stuff too!)


	10. "You're My Tako."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ZoSan smut as a finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL here’s the last chapter of this fic! As promised, you got the weird mermaid dick, so here’s some weird, even more lewd mermaid smexy time.
> 
> What? No new NSFW art?!
> 
> Nope. Because I’m as much of a fish-dick tease as the next perverted artist on tumblr, I will be working on the NSFW art for this chapter, as well as any pending NSFW scenes I find myself enjoying from last chapter NEXT MERMAY!
> 
> A whole YEAR?!
> 
> Yes. Because why? Because Mossy has some nice and nasty POST-TIMESKIP MERSANJI DICK already drawn, colored and ready to go in “Orcarimo!” And guess what, THAT will be coming out in June! I’ve still got “Whirlpool” to try and round off before this month ends since I do have collabs lined up for ZS month, but that’s ALSO the month my RL job gets busy! DDDX
> 
> Mossy was planning to go on hiatus in June, but instead I made plans to collab and post mermaid dicks for all of you. Please. Have mercy on me ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚
> 
> Anyway. Have some mersanji dick.

Sanji purred, lifting himself back up to a proper sitting position, leaning forward towards the swordsman whose lap he was perched on. Zoro leaned away, alarmed at the sudden change in the fish-cook’s demeanor. He was still winded by his climax, legs feeling like jelly.

 

“Zoro…” Sanji’s voice was soft, laced with undertones of lust. “Roronoa...Zoro…”

 

“What…?” Zoro pressed his lips together, eyeing Sanji cautiously.

 

Sanji chuckled. The usually stoic swordsman was trying his best to keep his stone-faced demeanor. Zoro’s glare remained firm, even though his hips were beginning to twitch against the slimey thrusting of Sanji’s dick.

 

“Zoro.” Sanji stilled his movements, watching Zoro just as much as he was being watched.

 

Zoro’s frown deepened and Sanji could sense that the former was going to attempt to push him off again. Pressing his lips together, Sanji decided that it was now or never. Maybe...maybe he was being a coward still, even in this small bave step towards being more honest with the overly-honest swordsman. He knew in the back of his mind, he was only pretending to be brave now, because he could blame it on being a merman later. Zoro didn’t relax, but the tension in the hard, powerfully muscular body of the man beneath Sanji seemed to calm itself. Zoro was listening.

 

Sanji wanted to laugh--Zoro thought what he said had to be really important if he was being this docile. His gut twisted into knots; not from the raging boner he had going on, but from the fact that yes...ye was going to say this.

 

“I love you, Zoro.” Sanji finally admitted.

 

Zoro was silent, staring back at Sanji’s large, desperate blue eye. What was Zoro thinking, Sanji wondered. The swordsman seldom dedicated more than a minute of time to any single thought. But this time, the minutes seemed to drag on. Was he trying to turn it into a joke? That would be very much like him. Was he trying to brush it off like Sanji was talking nonsense? That would also be very much like him.

 

...was he taking this whole thing seriously? Just like Sanji was? That...Sanji decided, would also be very much like Zoro.

 

Zoro cursed himself. He was supposed to say something first.

 

“Like a rival?” Zoro asked, voice steady and low.

 

Sanji smiled wryly, “No.”

 

“Like nakama?” Zoro asked, voice a little quieter.

 

Sanji closed his eyes, he leaned forward, pleased to find Zoro’s cheek against his nuzzling nose. “No.”

 

“Like…” Zoro paused this time, voice nothing more than a whisper. 

 

The swordsman seemed to fumble for his words and Sanji took that as a chance to open his one visible eye, staring into Zoro’s steel-silver, iron-will eye. Zoro reached up, pushing Sanji’s bangs up and to the side, fingers entangled in the cook’s golden strands. For the first time in any of the crew’s life, Zoro confirmed that, yes, Sanji did have both eyes. Two, charming, deep, sapphire-hued eyes.

 

Zoro recalled the way he’d seen that look in Sanji’s eye, a brilliant rage that ignited in his face before his body itself burst into flames. Zoro had seen many auras in his still short, but extremely violent lifetime. But, Sanji’s was the first aura that the seasoned swordsman, hunter, killer--even, had rushed forth to become something tangible; an actual fire, ignited by his fighting spirit, accompanied by raging emotions.

 

Oh. That’s right...

 

“...like you would a woman?” Zoro finally finished asking, chest suddenly tight, heart hammering in his ribcage as he searched those marvelous blue eyes for an answer, impatient for Sanji to speak.

 

“No.” Sanji continued to smile, tilting his head to the side to plant sweet, soft kisses on Zoro’s left cheek.

 

Sanji playfully ground his hips into Zoro’s own, eliciting a sharp gasp from the man beneath him.

 

Zoro’s heart pounded harder, louder--he could’ve sworn it was the only other thing making noise in the room. “Then...like what? Spit it out already.”

 

Sanji’s lips broke out into a toothy grin, whites of his teeth showing, taking up almost half his stupidly happy, small, charming face. “Like...Roronoa Zoro.”

 

Zoro’s eyes widened. Sanji admired the other’s face as his expressions changed. The usually sharp, serious eyes, almost always locked in a deadly concentration when they faced each other like this, were now wide with a cat-like curiousness. Like a startled tiger, Zoro bared his own teeth in response as the blush spread across his face. He might’ve tried to look intimidating to the fishcook that he perceived as a threat, but the wide, shocked look was too easy to read.

 

“Idiot.” Zoro squeezed out in a gruff growl. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

 

Sanji hummed. “It means I love Zoro.”

 

“Fool--GYAH-!” Zoro was once again, surprised by the sudden grinding against his hard-on. “Fuck...don’t move...so suddenly…!”

 

“But you’re hard again, Zoro.” Sanji cooed. “Zoro...you got hard...after doing something so obscene to  _ me _ .” He emphasized the last word, as if trying to drive the point home for Zoro.

 

“Tch-!” Zoro lurched forward, throwing Sanji’s center of balance off through sheer strength.

 

“WAH?!” Sanji felt himself very quickly getting thrown onto his back. He scrambled for purchase on Zoro’s shoulders, bringing the man down on top of him as they both slid a short distance across the floor. “Z-Zoro?!”

 

“Yeah.” Zoro replied firmly, leering down at Sanji, on his forearms, having slipped due to the slickness that they both knew was a messy mix of his and Sanji’s sexual fluids. “I did.”

 

The floor under them was soaked in cum and precum--the protective coating on Sanji’s skin had all but evaporated. Every drop of wet slipperiness they felt was all from their perverted activities. They’d managed to make a complete mess of the crowsnest floor. 

 

Unable to keep a proper balance on his hands and knees, Zoro wound up pressed closer to Sanji than he had planned. The position had Sanji’s long, marine-penis standing straight up, pressing into the fabric of Zoro’s pants hard. Sanji swallowed, about to ask a question when Zoro spoke up again.

 

There was no room for speculation with how stern Zoro’s voice was. “I got hard again because of you, cook. You got a problem with that?”

 

“Wh-wha…” Sanji felt his dick twitch, slipping down between Zoro’s legs to rub against his ass eagerly.

 

“Woah?!” Zoro jerked forward in surprise.

 

“S-sorry!” Sanji stammered. “Sorry…! You jerk! Don’t just suddenly say something like that! What’s that even supposed to mean?! Damn you! I’ve been hard for almost an hour, damn you! It’s your fault!”

 

Zoro ground down against Sanji. “Do something about it, then.”

 

Zoro began devouring Sanji’s lips and tongue again. He wasn’t about to tolerate being pushed around; especially not by the cook. The blond was stunned still, allowing Zoro to explore as much as he pleased. He tasted Sanji-- _ Sanji _ , not some weird fish-thing. He wasn’t salty, but bitter with the smell of tobacco, but rich like how he liked his coffee. There was flavor there, not quite like the sea, but close...seafood? Ah, Seafood Fried Rice...Sanji’s favorite meal to feed to starving strangers. Those were the three smells Zoro always picked up when Sanji was around. Sanji...this was always how Sanji smelled.

 

Zoro sucked Sanji’s tongue forward, biting down on it hard enough to draw blood. That seemed to work in forcing a response out of the curly moron; a hiss that was almost deafening. Sanji began to fight back, sinking a fang deep into Zoro’s tongue in return. The cook’s hips began to move, rubbing his long dolphin-like penis hard in between Zoro’s clothed asscheeks in frustration. There was something animalistic in the manner he moved in, but the way Sanji tenderly kissed Zoro in apology for the bite, even as he savored Zoro’s blood was very much himself. Zoro knew--this was the cook he was kissing.

 

Curiously, Zoro reached down between them, grasping Sanji’s undulating penis. It almost tried to curl around his fist. Did all the flexibility Sanji have in his legs just pool there?. Leave it to the cook to be as perverted a mermaid as possible. Flexible dick. Why not? Zoro snorted a chuckle.

 

Sanji growled, as if reading Zoro’s laugh. “I’m a  _ man _ , Zoro.”

 

“I know, nosebleed-kun.” Zoro replied. “That’s why you have a dick, moron.”

 

Sanji blushed--fuck. How was he supposed to get a handle on this situation?! He cried out when Zoro started pumping him, alternating how hard he was gripping his dick in his hand. He slowed near the base, fingers going slack, before quickly tightening his hold and quickly sliding his hand back up towards his tip in a grip that was almost vice-like. Sanji began to rapidly lose his ability to think, with his cock being milked so effectively. Zoro was really, really good with his hands.

 

A small ‘pop’ alerted Sanji before he felt the sudden, intense pressure beneath his cock, where it protruded from his slit.

 

“Hng-?!” Sanji grimaced, cock twitching. “N-ngh-! Hah...t-too tight...where are you...your fingers won’t go in there…”

 

“Where, then?” Zoro asked, occupying his mouth with Sanji’s lips.

 

“Mnh-..haa...d-do….” Sanji struggled to speak through the kiss. “Zo-...I want to…AH-!”

 

Sanji reached down, directing Zoro further down, away from his slit. Zoro hadn’t noticed before, but there was a crowding of scales, where they shrunk to a fine, barely noticable size, the area looking completely smooth like skin. In the middle of the collection of tiny scales was a hole, barely visible in the cluster. Well, normally it wasn’t visible, but now, with the way it twitched, widening and tightening over and over again, Zoro could see it clearly.

 

“Th-There…” Sanji whispered shyly.

 

Zoro’s had to concentrate on slowing his breaths lest he begin to hyperventilate. 

 

“Do it there…” Sanji insisted, pushing Zoro’s finger into his asshole. “Make me cum this time, Zoro…”

 

Zoro obliged, sealing their wordless agreement with a kiss that tender in contrast to how roughly his hands moved. With one hand, he firmly squeezed Sanji’s cock, feeling the muscle protest with short jerks and twitches. With the other, he allowed Sanji to pump his finger in and out of the little ring of muscle. In comparison to the sheathe Zoro had just freed Sanji’s dick from, it was much more reactive--contracting and squeezing his finger hungrilly.

 

Shit, this was messed up.

 

“Zoro…” Sanji purred, moaning lewdly with every jerk of the other’s finger. “Deeper…”

 

Zoro curled his finger, one again searching inside Sanji. He was shocked to find a large resistance, circular in shape and pulsating eagerly. Was this Sanji’s prostate? Fuck, it was huge! Giving in to his perverted curiosity right away, Zoro began jabbing at the large bump he felt inside Sanji’s ass.

 

“YES!” Sanji rejoiced, hips going stiff as he shuddered.

 

Zoro jerked back in surprise, when a white strong of cum erupted from the large dick between them. “Wha-?!”

 

Sanji’s cry shank to a whimper, shuddering and tightening around Zoro’s finger. With a gasp that broke the string of whimpers that spilled from Sanji’s lips, the cook whipped his attention back to Zoro. 

 

“More…!” Sanji demanded, opening his mouth to graze his fangs and hanging tongue over Zoro’s neck. “More, Zoro!”

 

Zoro jabbed at Sanji’s oversized prostate again, sending the cook into another fit of cries and wails. Sanji came again, coating Zoro’s clothes in thick white strings of essence. Zoro felt his belly tighten at the sight. Such pure, unfiltered, primal instinct, oozing from every fibre of the cook’s being...Zoro hadn’t known that he would ever see such a provocative sight in his entire life.

 

“Wow…” Zoro sighed, completely enamored, taken by Sanji. It was such a shameful feeling, one that Zoro would never admit out loud. 

 

Sanji was still hard after the second orgasm. Zoro found himself smiling in satisfaction, leaning forward to allow Sanji to wound him in the midst of his passions. He continued to jab and swirl his finger around and into Sanji’s prostate. Sanji seemed to ejaculate a little every time he pushed his finger into that bundle of nerves.

 

Sanji cried into Zoro’s collar bone, marking him with scratches, fangs and hickeys. Zoro had felt guilty for marking Sanji up to thoroughly when he took the cook for the first time, but now he considered them even.

 

“Zoro...Zoro…!” Sanji sobbed loudly, very quickly wearing Zoro’s patience thin. “More…! Hurry!”

 

Zoro cursed, inserting a second finger to stretch Sanji out. “Can you take it?”

 

Sanji bit down particularly hard into Zoro’s collar, a loud click signifying he had hit bone. Zoro throat rumbled with a growl. Zoro felt a fresh dampness against his skin, semen sticking to his abdomen. Sanji’s lips were red with is blood and Zoro couldn’t help but lea in and lick the copper-taste of his own vital fluid. There was something exciting about having his life on Sanji’s lips.

 

They moved to the corner of the room, Sanji leaning back against the seats while Zoro straddled him. It was odd, Zoro thought; being the one entering and yet essentially sitting on top of Sanji.

 

Zoro reached up and cupped Sanji’s face as he lined up the head of his cock with Sanji’s quivering hole. They said nothing; Zoro leaned forward, parting his lips as Sanji did the same. They felt each other’s breath, inhaling what the other exhaled as Zoro pushed. Sanji gasped feeling himself stretch to accomodate Zoro’s girth. The pressure on his prostate increased, sending his cock into another orgasm. Zoro’s teasing grin made Sanji blush. They started a slow pace, meeting each other’s hips steadily, breathing against each other’s mouths.

 

It wasn’t long before Zoro moved forward to kiss Sanji again, their lips already bruising from how many times they had already chewed on each other’s tongues up to this point. But it was more than just a kiss--it was a conversation, a conveying of reassurance and equal standing between the two as they picked up the pace.

 

“Oh…” Sanji groaned into Zoro’s mouth.

 

The sound of their hips slapping against each other grew louder as they thrust against each other harder, faster. Sanji quickly became a drooling, gasping mess, the sensation of Zoro’s cock pushing and thrusting into his swollen prostate sending him tumbling over the edge.

 

“Nhaah...aaah…” Sanji’s kisses became slack as he moaned, head falling back as he came.

 

Zoro continued, feeling Sanji’s dick pulsate and jerk between them as he came. Like before, with his finger, Sanji came with every thrust of Zoro’s cock. Small spurts of cum jetted out the tip of his penis everytime Zoro fully sheathed himself inside the blond. Sanji tightened around Zoro each time he felt his insides fill, the pressure surprisingly reach all the way up behind his own cumming dick.

 

Soon Sanji’s body began to go limp, simply jerking every time he came. Zoro was getting close as well, the pulsing, tightening movements of Sanji’s insides milking his cock for everything it had to give.

 

“Sanji…” Zoro could only manage the cook’s name as he came, shuddering against the man he had pinned to the bench.

 

Sanji wasn’t doing any better, only managing to utter a strangled, open-mouthed whimper. His body stiffened, cum almost clear now with how much he’d already ejaculated. Zoro withdrew, his own spent cock leaving Sanji’s asshole twitching violently, oozing white.

 

\---

 

“...I pounced on you without asking. Again.” The remorse in Zoro’s voice was as heavier than any of the katana he carried at his waist. If he had said he had done all that without thinking; that would be a lie. He  _ had _ thought about it. He’d done nothing but think about all of it--wondering what kind of face Sanji would make when he was feeling good; how Sanji as a human, as another person, felt to hold. He’d let himself give in to his selfish desires...all because he knew that Sanji knew. He knew Sanji would come along with him, driven b the same instincts and desires. There was always that spark between them, afterall. He suspected there always would be.

 

Sanji mentally chuckled--Zoro was such an idiot.

 

“I would’ve kicked you.” Sanji stated, curling his tail around Zoro in an attempt to hug him. 

 

Zoro’s shoulders stiffened. From the way the marimo’s nose and lips felt against his shoulder, Sanji could tell the swordsman was clenching his jaw. Sanji chuckled, startling Zoro--the surprise made obvious by the sudden jerk of the swordsman’s head.

 

“I love you, Zoro.” Sanji chuckled light-heartedly. 

 

Zoro pressed his lips together hard. “...cook…you’re drying out. We need to get you back into the tub.”

 

Was Sanji really going to be a fish for the rest of his life? Was this the only way they could hold each other? If this was it, then Zoro would take it. After all the stumbling around they’d done together--oddly enough following each other down, deeper into this rabbit hole they’d dug themselves, Zoro wasn’t going to go back on himself, or Sanji, for that matter. He was a man, damnit.

 

Sanji kissed Zoro’s temple gently. “I love you, Zoro.” He repeated.

 

Ah. This fish-idiot was still the cook. Zoro could live with that.

 

“I love you, Sanji.” Zoro whispered back.

 

Sanji uttered a small, short, high-pitched cry and zoro felt himself falling forward a little bit. The pressure on his forearms increased and he felt his hips fall further down than where they were against Sanji’s.

 

“Oi-?!” Zoro accidentally bit his tongue in his surprise. “Cook?!”

 

Sanji was shivering again, curled up, completely bare, sandwiched between Zoro and the bench where they were on the floor. His single tail had turned back into two legs, knees together to the side, locked around Zoro’s hip. They stared at each other i shock as Sanji’s legs released their hold on Zoro, falling to the floor with a wet thud. The mess they’d made was still all over him.

 

“I…” Sanji gasped.

 

Zoro could see now that the color was back in Sanji’s face, the scales on his cheeks now gone, replaced by soft, slightly wind-chafed skin. Sanji had changed back.  _ Sanji was back! _

 

“You idiot…” Zoro growled, a blush that was surprisingly becoming of him, dusting his cheeks, ears and across his nose. “Did you really change back because of  _ that _ ?!”

 

Sanji laughed throwing his head back. This entire situation was ridiculous. He’d been stressing over not being able to change back into a human this entire time?! Had the solution been so simple, all this time?!

 

Zoro sighed, rolling his eyes. “It’s not funny! You’re a selfish bastard!”

 

“Haha...I...I just…!” Sanji continued to laugh, tears suddenly wetting the lashes of his eyes. His stomach started to hurt from how hard he was laughing. “Hahah! I really...am selfish...seriously?! Hahaha! I just…” His voice began to shudder, cracking with emotion. “I just...ha...w-wanted to hear...the idiot marimo say he loved me…? Was that...really all I wanted?”

 

Zoro nuzzled Sanji as the cook began to shudder, tears streaming down his blush-flushed skin that mimicked Zoro’s own. He kissed Sanji’s cheek, tasting the salt that for once, came from Sanji’s tears instead of the ocean. Ironically, Sanji’s tears were saltier.

 

“Sanji…” Zoro whispered, Sanji’s name coming easily to his lips. “Sanji…”

 

He kissed Sanji’s trembling lips, licking away the rest of the tears that came. He continued kissing, moving to Sanji's cheeks and then down to his jawline, where he nibbled greedily. Sanji’s soft sobs turned into whimpers, which Zoro found he wanted to swallow. So he moved back up, capturing Sanji’s lips with his own, devouring all the sounds that came from the cook’s mouth. Zoro lifted himself up off Sanji just enough to move his hand down, sliding his fingers into Sanji’s velvety inner thigh. He was pleasantly surprised to find his fingers once again getting slick with copeous amounts of thick precum that coated the inside of Sanji’s thighs and all over his erect cock.

 

“Ngh-!” Sanji pulled away, covering his face with his hands as Zoro felt under and between his precum-soaked balls.

 

“You’re really wet.” Zoro pointed out.

 

Zoro prodded further down inquisitively, past Sanji’s balls and to the perineum. The skin there was almost silky, slipper with slick, feeling just like the inside of Sanji’s slit when he had been half-fish. Sanji reacted to the touch, spreading his thighs wider and rubbing the sensitive area against Zoro’s prodding fingers.

 

“Oho, so you do like it here.” The swordsman teased. “You looked so happy when I teased you here earlier.”

 

“Zoro…” Sanji whimpered, drooling jaw opened in a slack, lust-filled gasp. “N-Not there…”

 

Zoro reached lower, sliding in between Sanji’s spread asscheeks, finding it easy to reach the puckered, already slippery. Damn, Sanji had been practically drooling from the tip of his dick.

 

“Here?” He questioned in a teasing manner. 

 

Sanji wriggled his ass, rubbing against Zoro’s fingers. “Zoro...zoro…!”

 

“Where do you want it?” Zoro asked, sliding his fingers back up to Sanji’s perineum, running circles into the skin.

 

“Ah!” Sanji dug his nails into Zoro’s chest. “Bast-...ah-!”

 

Zoro made Sanji cry out one more time, by pressing his fingers hard into the flesh. Sanji’s head spun, it was so close to his balls and his ass at the same time, yet wasn’t enough to be satisfying in either area. So close!

 

“A-ass!” Sanji demanded with a snarl. “M-my ass!”

 

Sanji could feel his asshole pulsating from the abuse against his perineum. His balls tightened, cock twitching painfully. 

 

“Now you’re being honest.” Zoro smirked.

 

Giving Sanji what he wanted, he slipped his finger back down to his asshole, popping his middle finger in. Sanji gasped, throwing his head back with a shudder of pain and pleasure. Was it really okay to do this? Zoro had no idea how a fishtail anatomy worked--he was still reeling from the sheer size of Sanji's fully unsheathed penis.

 

Zoro felt the area give in much easier than when he’d been fingering Sanji the morning he first held him. Sanji’s inner walls throbbed as they clenched and unclenched around Zoro’s fingers, eager and waiting.

 

“Zoro…” Sanji crooned sweetly. 

 

Zoro removed his fingers. “Yeah.”

So the swordsman took the cook once more.

 

\--

 

Zoro scrubbed harder, wanting to get every last bit of lewd fluid out of the floor Franky had so laboriously laid out. He dipped the mop into the fifth freshly-changed bucket of soapy water, before going back to vigorously scrubbing. On the bench, bundled up in a blanket that Zoro often used when he was on shipwatch, Sanji lay on his side, curled up and grumbling.

 

“My ass is sore.” The cook griped bitterly.

 

Zoro groaned in return. “Yeah, yeah, I got it, I know.”

 

“You’re the damn beast.” Sanji added, drawing the blanket around him tighter. “You did it three times. Three!”

 

“Yeah, yeah!” Zoro complained right back, scrubbing the floor even harder. “I get it, already!”

 

Sanji grunted, turning over and facing away from Zoro. “This sucks. I have my legs back and I can’t even use them. My feet are numb. My ass is throbbing. My stomach is all weird.”

 

Zoro threw the mop down in frustration. “So noisy! I’ll carry you down, okay!? I’ll carry you, so shut up!”

 

Nami’s voice travelled up, clearly heard despite the distance from the deck to the crowsnest. “Sanji-kuuuun!? Is everything alright up there?! Usopp said he heard you screaming!”

 

Sanji sprung to his feet, hands in the air, completely forgotten he was still naked. “Yeeees Nami-swaaaan! I’m better than okay, I’m-HOGEE-!” He slipped, accidentally running across where Zoro was scrubbing.

 

“SO LAME!” Zoro roared, stumbling forward and catching Sanji before he could hit the floor. “Don’t run around if you’re going to trip and die, STUPID!”

 

And they were at it, again. As always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH I wanted to continue this into post-timeskip Zoro and Sanji (since I already sketched the porn for it fufufu) but I think this fic will end well here! I’ll make a separate ficlet for the Post-Timeskip ZoSan porn! If you want to watch out for it, I will be posted in June! (which is in like...2 days? That’s if I don’t finish it before the end of Mermay LOL)
> 
> Thank you so, so, so much for coming with me on this journey of exploring what life would be like if Sanji was a mermaid! I know there’s a lot of scenes in this fic that would really be better if they were given art of their own! (Especially the porn). But I think I’ll save those for next year so that I have something to draw!
> 
> As for the porn this year, you can head over to “Orcarimo!” (Orca-Marimo) when I post it! Please look forward to it, I know a lot of your on Tumblr have been asking for some...weird...mermaid porn…
> 
> ...why.
> 
> Love, Mossy.


End file.
